Will Hike for Milk

After three years of solid reliability, my 2005 Jetta decided not to start and was towed to the VW shop yesterday. It wasn't too much of an inconvenience, but there was one errand that had to be run asap.

Over the weekend I connected with a saintly woman I'll call S, who was the surrogate mother of a baby she delivered last week. We met through a group called Human Milk 4 Human Babies, and she has generously offered to pump breast milk for the baby boy. All she needed was a pump and some bags, and by chance, she had a previous appointment in my neighborhood today.

So on Sunday I scoured Craigslist for the best deal, and yesterday, Jayda and I hoofed it half a mile through the rain to hand-deliver a breast pump to a complete stranger in the Chuck E Cheese parking lot. Yep, this is my life!

I have a close family member who is also pumping for us, but it's a tall order considering a baby can easily drink 4,500 ounces in his first 6 months. The generosity of these women really brings tears to my eyes...it's so amazing to be able to offer this instead of formula. I can't wait to have my very own sweet-smelling chunky monkey.

One month?

In complete contrast to my last post, I'm going to skip ahead for a moment. If the doctors decide on a c-section during the birth mom's 39th week, apparently it will be on Monday, May 14th. One month from today! So exciting.

I feel like I'm getting closer to justifying sorting/washing Hayden's hand-me-downs and bringing in the bassinet to teach the pets it isn't, unfortunately, a kitty bunk bed.

I've also connected with a milk donor in Mountain Home, so with any luck I can stockpile at least a couple weeks' worth ahead of time. Let the countdown begin!

It's All About Today

Making my nephew laugh on Easter.

When I returned from Mexico in 2003, quite a few of my friends remarked that I wasn’t as “wound up” as I was before I’d lived there. I think they were right, and here’s an example: My new job was making me miserable. The people were shallow and the pay was lousy, so I decided to quit. Before Mexico I would have saved my money, found a new job and given a proper two week’s notice. But that wasn’t the post-Mexico me. I didn’t have another job lined up, I didn’t give notice…just walked out one day for lunch and never went back. It was the first and last time I ever did anything like that, and it felt great. I found another job, paid rent on time and life went on.

Mexicans are really good about living in the moment. Living for today. They make decisions based on what is true today, not what might happen tomorrow. If you offer someone 10 pesos for a taco today or promise to come back tomorrow and pay 1,000 pesos for the same taco, they’ll take the 10 today, thank you very much. 

They even have a special verb tense (the subjunctive, used frequently) that recognizes things might not go our way. It might sound a little morbid to those of us in the US, but it’s really meant to be deferential to fate and any god who might be determining our path.

I’ve been through plenty of transitional times in my life, and this “live for today” mentality has been a great tool. This is one of those times. I don’t know for sure where I’ll be mid- to late-May. I don’t know what my living room will look like in 2 months, and I don’t know how I’ll spend my next birthday or Halloween. I can imagine and try to plan, but that wouldn’t be very subjunctive of me.

So today, I’m focusing on what I know right now. I’ve been chosen by a birth mom. I have an intended son who weighs as much as a cantaloupe. The white blooming trees outside are so fragrant they almost stink, I had a perfectly beautiful Easter with my family yesterday, and I just picked all the red jelly beans out of a basket at work. Yay me.

What to Say

The agency coordinator mentioned that I can send a letter or a card to the birth mom any time, if I'd like. Even though I have no idea what to say, ignoring her seems like a very rude thing to do.

So today after work I stopped by Fred Meyer thinking I'd pick up a greeting card to write in next week, telling her about whatever we end up doing over Easter weekend.

Easier said than done. What type of card do you buy the woman who is trusting you with her child's life? Thank you? Too soon. Sympathy? Definitely not. Thinking of you? A little creepy. Encouragement? Condescending. Blank inside? Generic, and I don't know if she prefers puppies in a wagon or sunflowers in a field.

So I left empty handed and will probably just hand write a short letter and add a picture or two. I'll write it like an extension of my parent profile, in the hopes that it will feel familiar and reassure her that she's making a wonderful choice.

Agency Update

I spoke with the infant coordinator at the adoption agency and everything sounds good so far. Mom and baby are healthy, the 20 week scan looked perfect, and I may even get a copy of the ultrasound picture this week.

I also found out that I don’t have to stay in Ontario after the baby is born, as long as I stay in the state of Oregon until the paperwork is ready. Thankfully a dear friend lives in Baker City and has offered to make room for us. So much better than a hotel, and very special because I was one of the first people to see her daughters born 11 and 13 years ago. She always joked her kids would be old enough to babysit by the time I had any of my own, and sure enough, her 13 year old is now certified in all things babysitting.

Next Monday I’m going in bright and early to pay some fees and sign some contracts. Meanwhile, I hope to hear back from a few daycares and may even go back to Goodwill to snag the $15 rocker/glider-ottoman set I spotted last weekend. It needs new cushions, but I could certainly use a project to help pass the time.

Special Coffee

On the day I expected the birth mom to see my profile for the first time, I decided to drive through Starbucks for a special coffee to give the day a special vibe. Also, I hadn’t slept well and needed the extra caffeine. Later that afternoon I found out the birth mom had stayed home with sick children, so she didn’t see the profiles after all. The appointment got bumped a week.

So the next week, on the new special day, I drove through for another special coffee. It was delicious. However, I heard nothing conclusive from the agency or attorney.

Yesterday morning I needed to stop for coffee because all my coffee mugs were dirty (I know, great excuse right?) I stopped at Jacksons because they have a $1 deal right now. Here was my Facebook post soon after:

Stopped at Jacksons for coffee - way too strong and slightly burned. Stopped again at Dutch Brothers and the mocha tastes ick. I guess I'm not supposed to have coffee today.

Of course, later in the afternoon I got the best call ever. So much for my silly special coffee ritual! Apparently the universe will deliver what it wants, regardless of where I get my brew.

The Call!

Against all odds, just 6 months after completing my home study, I have been chosen by a birth mom! The baby boy is due on May 20th in Oregon. The birth mom and I don't have plans to meet before then, but I will be at the hospital when he's born.

I got the call today as I was driving to a dear friend Chris' funeral. It was bittersweet to have such wonderful news to share with my teary-eyed friends. Chris was an attorney and had handed out my adoption networking cards with gusto at his family's Christmas party last year. His wife, daughter and son were overjoyed to hear the news today.

Many things can change between now and May 20th, obviously, but today I'm happy and excited! People keep asking if I'm having a baby shower, and I think that will happen once everyone is home and settled, maybe in early June.