Major Frustrations

Yes, I wish it grew on trees!

Let me preface this post by saying I had an awesome Halloween weekend and I won the funniest costume award at work today, so things aren't all bad.

I have to admit that so far, the adoption process has gone relatively smoothly for me. So I guess it’s only fair I get a taste of the frustration other adoptive parents have experienced.

1. I learned that 2011 is the final year the adoption tax credit will be refundable. This means that if I adopt in 2012, the amount of taxes I owe could be reduced to $0, but after that, I won’t get anything back. People who adopt this year can get the full $13k even if they don’t owe any taxes.

2. If I decide to pay the agency’s waiting list fee of $2,000, I need to do it this year so I can be sure I get it back as a tax refund. But I can’t ask for it until I file my 2012 taxes (random rule.)

3. But wait. Without the $13k tax refund, I can only afford the minimum adoption budget of $15k (and that may be a stretch.) And on that budget, CASI can only network with 3 other agencies for me. Do I want to pay $2,000 so they can network with just 3 agencies on my behalf?

4. Contrary to what I was told before, the agency is now telling me that my roommate will need to meet with the caseworker in person and there will be a $150 fee to amend my home study. This is NOT what I was told before I paid the home study fee. Grr. My roommate is only in town for 2 more months on business, and having to pay for her to be there would be a huge bummer. I'm already having to foot the bill for her background checks for ID and MT. 

Grr!

Adoption Cards are Ready!

After delayed shipping and printing errors, I finally received my adoption cards last night. They're business card size, so it'll be easy to hang on to a few in case you find yourself in a conversation with someone who knows someone who knows someone who is considering an adoption plan.

If you'd like a few cards for yourself, leave your name in the comments and I'll make sure you get some. There's no rush to hand them out - just hang on to them until the time is right.

Sugar Cookie Photo Shoot

In between prepping for Halloween, dad’s birthday and Yazmin’s baby shower this weekend, I also had to find time to shoot a cover for my recipe book. Anyone who’s tried it probably learned the hard way that food usually looks disgusting on camera.

One restaurant reviewer actually posted this Mexican dish photo.

 In commercials, artists use Elmer’s Glue for cereal milk and wax for ice cream. McDonald’s even has a team of food painters - I hear they start with actual McFood parts (as required by law), but paint them to intensify the colors. 

Anyway, there are a few exceptions to the rule. Fresh fruit, vegetables and frosted sugar cookies typically photograph quite well, so I opted for a cookie cover. The printing won’t go all the way to the edges of the covers so I’m still working on an illustrated frame for the book, but I’ll include a sneak peek of one of the photos.

Jayda loved catching sprinkles as they bounced off the counter.

 

Not the winning shot, but I bet you'd kill for a frosted sugar cookie right now.

If you’re interested in reading more about commercial food photography, there’s an interesting blurb here.

Recipe Books

Natalya showing off her mini summer squash loaf.

I'm putting together a bound recipe book with 30 great recipes to sell as an adoption fundraiser. They'll be ready some time next week, and the price is just $8 if you're in Boise and $10 if I need to ship it to you.

If you're outside Boise, you can use the Paypal "donate" button on the upper left hand side of the blog and email me your mailing address. If you're in town, let me know and I'll make arrangements to stop by your home or work.

Some of the recipes include:

Beer Bread with Spinach Dip

Apple Brie Flat Bread

Rajas a la Crema (vegetarian)

My Mom's Homemade Lasagna (vegetarian)

Tortilla Soup (vegetarian)

Pumpkin Gut Bread

Summer Squash Bread

Apple Pie

Swedish Farmer Cookies

About half the entree recipes are vegetarian by default, but meat can be added easily for the carnivores in your family.

Sticker Shock - Coupons, Please!

At the advice of other adoptive parents, I've decided to start building up a supply of diapers and wipes. I've always heard how expensive diapers are, but holy cow! $35 for a box from Walmart? Time to start joining in on those family trips to Costco.

I tried to sign up for coupons and alerts on all the major diaper sites (their forms are awful), and I'll also be looking for coupons in weekly papers. If you come across diaper or wipe coupons, please stash them away for me. Thanks in advance!

Signs a Birth Mom Might Change Her Mind

About 1/3 of adoptive parents experience a "failed placement" before they successfully adopt, according to what I've read. Naturally this is a concern for me, especially if any exchange of money takes place before the parent changes her mind. Whether it was used for medical expenses, living expenses, etc., it would be considered a gift and therefore, long gone.

Some sources list the following warning signs that a birth mom might change her mind:

• Her mom is not supportive of the adoption plan
• She doesn't know who the father is, or won't say
• She has friends who are parents
• She has no career or education plan for herself post-adoption
• She has chosen a name for the baby
• She has unrealistic post-adoption expectations, for example, weekly visits with the adoptive family

Obviously no case will be by-the-book, but I still think it's good to know what to look for in a potential match.

My pass along cards should arrive before Wednesday, and I'm excited to start sharing them. My attorney leans toward a "first right of refusal" plan, where anyone who thinks they know a birth parent would have to come to me for information and permission to tell them about me. But I'd rather get my name out there as much as possible, in as many states as possible. If I'm contacted by a birth mom whose situation isn't right for me, I'll just let her know. There are plenty of waiting families and no child will go without a loving home.

Officially Waiting!

I found out this morning that my approved home study was submitted last Friday, so I am officially "waiting to adopt". Today I'll be ordering my little cards to help network, and I think I'm all squared away with the private attorney to be part of their pool of waiting parents. Still undecided about whether I want to network with an agency...

I also told the Marketing team at work today. All but one of them already knew - my boss heard from me a couple of weeks ago and the other two heard through the nosy coworker's grapevine - but they all seemed excited and supportive. One guy on the team seems baffled by anyone deliberating wanting a child, but I suppose that's to be expected of a 27 year old guy.

So now, I wait. I'll let everyone know when the cards are ready so they can be handed out to anyone who might know someone who might know someone.

Most Laughable Fundraising Ideas

I did another Google search to make sure I've found all the grants I can apply for. (I'm automatically disqualified from most for being single and/or not religious.) Some of the ideas out there are pretty worthless, and these are the top three so far:

• Use funds in your savings accounts
• Use a home equity loan
• Ask parents for an advance on your inheritance

First of all, pretty sure I thought of using money I already have. Secondly, almost no one has equity in their homes in this market. And third, really? I can hear the conversation now. "Mom and dad, I know you're in great health and you haven't even retired yet. But could you do me a favor and calculate what your net worth might be in oh, say 20 or 30 years and go ahead and give me my share? Great, thanks."

Cheers to the Freakin' Weekend

I have a pretty sweet gig lined up, sitting in a parade home and chatting with visitors who stop by. It was busy this morning but has slowed down considerably, so I'm sipping coffee and eating the homemade sugar cookies I made last night. Yes, I can think of worse ways to earn a buck.

Speaking of bucks, I'm still torn on whether I want to spend 2,000 of them to get on a waiting list with CASI. I won't be able to decide fully until I know if I'm receiving any grant money. But here's what I'm thinking: If I don't get a grant, my budget will be low. Since CASI won't network with agencies whose fees are outside my price range, having a low budget means fewer agencies to network with. Which means paying $2,000 to get on what could be a very short list of agencies probably isn't a good use of money.

Until then, I eagerly await copies of my approved home study, and I will definitely start networking on my own and through a private attorney as early as this week. This week! Holy cow. So exciting.

Paperwork...zzzz....

I'm pretty sure getting into grad school required less paperwork than this process. Between the home study, grants, agency and attorney forms, my head is sort of spinning right now.

The two grant apps should go in the mail early next week when I have copies of my approved home study, and I don't think the attorney will need anything else until I'm matched with a baby. I was sort of annoyed by their intake form, though. Even though they're happy to help single women (and gay couples, I assume), the form fields still say HUSBAND and WIFE, and HUSBAND is always listed first.

But overall, life is good and the process keeps moving forward.

Boise people: Be sure to check out Rascal's Rack at Collister and State St. for good deals on like-new baby and kid gear. I bought their $10 Groupon the other day and came out with quite a haul for Yazmin's upcoming baby shower.

But Wait, Have You Seen My Lovely Closets?

Monica and Luisa sunbathing.

Today at noon, case worker Elizabeth showed up for the actual "home" part of the home study. Jayda cuddled right up next to her on the couch and was on her best behavior throughout the conversation. Elizabeth raved about how sweet and mellow she is. (Ha!) Later, my little orange cat Monica tiptoed down the stairs and offered the sweetest, most pathetic little series of meows, prompting yet another round of raving about precious my pets are. (Good girls, you all get extra treats later.)

Elizabeth and I chatted for more than an hour on topics related to the paperwork I'd already submitted. Afterwards, she got up to take a look around the house. I was prepared to give a tour and started out by pointing the downstairs bath and laundry area, and just as I reached for the laundry doors, she said, "Oh I don't need to see any of that." She proceeded to check the backyard and the baby's room for any possible hazards, skipping all newly organized drawers, storage areas and closets along the way! Didn't even look into the freshly-scrubbed bathroom or freshly-vacuumed bedroom, and didn't see that I now have a neat little basket on the top shelf of my linen closet to keep all the medication in one safe place.

Oh well. The real goal was to complete the home study before October 15th and it looks like that's going to happen. And the best part - I feel like the invasive dive into my life by complete strangers is now mostly over. Yes!