Liquid Gold

This post may not be for the squeamish or those who don’t have kids yet.

Something that has kind of bugged me about adopting is figuring out the right formula for a baby. Friends who’ve had to use formula seem to have all kinds of horror stories about fussy, gassy babies who puke all the time and have to go through a dozen formula types before they find something that works. 

There’s no denying that breast milk is best, but how do adoptive moms make that happen? Apparently there are a variety of supplements that need to be taken, including encapsulated placenta, to make a non-pregnant woman lactate. But those supplements have side effects, and the adoptive mom would also need to hook herself up to a breast pump for an hour a day for a couple of months to get it all flowing. Despite all that work, nearly all breastfeeding adoptive moms still have to supplement with formula because they don’t produce enough on their own.

I’m pretty sure placenta doesn’t fit into my vegetarian diet. And with the adoption timeline being so unpredictable, I’m not about to hook myself up to a machine today if I still have a year to go before being placed with a baby. 

That brings us to one more option: donor milk. I wasn’t familiar with the industry until recently, but I’ve learned a lot over the past couple of weeks. Some states have milk banks, which require a prescription from a doctor. The Rx is pretty easy to get, but the cost is around $3 per ounce (babies need about 5,000 ounces in their first 6 months = $15,000!) And the breast milk is pasteurized, so it’s pretty much nutritionally equivalent to formula. 

Either way, the closest milk bank is in Denver and shipping would cost another fortune. So I’ve decided to stay local in my search for donor milk. Very local, in fact. I happen to have a close relative who just had a baby, and in a couple of months she is willing to start pumping some extra for me to freeze until the time comes. Breast milk lasts 6 – 12 months in a deep freeze, so I will be claiming a shelf in my parents’ freezer and hoping the timing works out. 

I’ve also connected with a local group called Human Milk for Human Babies, so I can hopefully connect with one or two other mothers in the area who may be producing extra – many parents who go this route have two or three moms who regularly donate. At first I was thinking you couldn’t feed a baby breast milk from more than one mom, but obviously that doesn’t make sense. 

Once you get over the weird factor, you have to admit that our bodies are pretty amazing! I’m excited about the possibility of offering an adopted child all the benefits of breast milk. Now, like everything else, it’ll come down to networking and timing.

Yet Another Project

A few weeks ago I heard about a couple receiving donations from strangers to help pay for IVF through a website called Kickstarter. I thought it sounded too good to be true (could I really just ask for strangers to give me adoption money?) and I was sort of right.

Kickstarter focuses on creative projects with definite goals, so the IVF couple was actually asking for money to make a video documentary of their IVF journey. They raised $5,000 in less than a week. I wouldn’t be up for anything that involved cameras following me around, but I did want to submit something and see if people will pitch in to help make it happen. Fortunately I had the perfect project waiting on the back burner: a children’s book about adoption that will fill a huge gap in the market.

If my project is accepted, I’ll let everyone know. The funds I’m requesting would be used to hire an editor and illustrator (job creation!), and pay for other expenses related to publishing and promoting a book.


Update: Project accepted! I'm researching my options now so I know how much funding to request, and I'm leaning toward self-publishing so I can be in control of the size, layout and illustrations in the book. Stay tuned!

Financial Milestone

Between fundraisers, donations, gifts and my part time jobs, I have been able to pay cash for my adoption costs so far. I've also put together a nice little collection of secondhand basics: a car seat, bassinet, Pack N Play, stroller and high chair. And this week I met a major milestone - saving enough to cover the rest of a maternity leave after my vacation days run out. Woo hoo! (Unfortunately my employer doesn't offer any paid maternity leave.)

This means I can now focus on the nitty gritty costs: attorney fees, agency fees and birth mother expenses. So I want to send a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has helped, whether by donating clothes for the yard sale, drinking wine with us, giving me baby gear, buying a recipe book or connecting me with part time work. It's working!

What a Beautiful Weekend

My nephew Hayden, 7 lbs, 13 oz. and 20.5" long.

It started Friday with a party at a coworker’s house, where we exchanged silly gifts and people raved about the peanut butter pretzel balls I made. I went home and slept for about an hour before getting a text that Yazmin was in the hospital, so I headed downtown around 1:30 am and met my new nephew two short hours later! Back home to sleep till noon, then whipped up some candied walnuts for Yazmin, a chocolate eggnog pie for the family and some chocolate-dipped pretzel sticks for another party. (My arm was actually sore the next day from all that mixing and whipping cream.)

Then the war in Iraq officially ended. Thanks Obama!

On Sunday I did some freelance work and Yazmin and family stopped by my parents’ house with the baby. I got to see my dog Jayda around a baby for the first time ever. I let her sniff all over his rump, his car seat and his stuff. She jumped up a couple of times when he was our arms, but my soft boot sent the message that wasn’t okay. Later when he cried, she perked up her ears and cocked her head and stared at him intently. It was pretty cute.

After that, I finished most of my Christmas shopping and went to an hors d’ouevres potluck and sing-along party. The host is a good friend of mine who happens to be an attorney, so needless to say it was a fantastic place to hand out my adoption networking cards. There were probably 100 people there, many of them in the legal profession.

The funny thing about adopting is that I go back and forth between thinking “No one is ever going to pick me!” and “Holy cow, I need an adoption loan soon!” depending on how encouraging the day has been. Yesterday was a holy cow day.

I’m looking forward to a short work week, then tackling the moment’s most pressing question: Where to spend New Year’s Eve?

Moving Right Along

Mr. and Mrs. Claus stopped by for cookies.

What a great week (and it’s only Tuesday!) The Sunday market went amazingly well. I sold lots of recipe books, handed out dozens of networking cards and heard many great adoption stories from all different types of people. Santa told me I was on the nice list for adopting.

I also got lucky and found another freelance gig, thanks to a random turn of events in my brother’s office. The company has provided me with the programs I need to do the work, and I didn’t even have to buy the $129 Macbook upgrade I thought I’d need. To top it off, I sold an old iPod on eBay for big bucks, even though the battery doesn’t work. The Apple gods are smiling on me!

Now I’m gearing up for the 6 parties I’ve been invited to between now and Christmas. I feel very loved and I’m looking forward to trying a couple of new recipes. Chocolate eggnog pie, anyone?

We’re still anxiously awaiting the arrival of my nephew. He’s due in one week and I have personally asked him to be born on the 15th or 19th. That just works best with my schedule. :)

Agency Response to Home Study Issue

I shouldn't be surprised that the agency has denied my first request for a partial refund. The executive director's official response said that the information they provided me was "not in any way misleading" and "it is in no way our responsibility to keep up with policy changes of other adoption agencies". 

Naturally I disagree. It's bad enough to make assumptions about something; using those assumptions as selling points for the agency shouldn't be allowed by any program director. 

Keep in mind there are only 2 agencies in the entire state of Idaho (not counting LDS services). Keeping up on the other agency's policies would have required one simple phone call. And, the resolution I'm proposing is very reasonable as it would split the cost of the error between the agency and myself. 

I need to do some research and take some time to decide what my next steps will be...next week. I'm not going to let it ruin my weekend. :)

Busy Time of Year!

Nothing much to report on the adoption front. I've made some finishing touches to this version of my parent profile and the attorney has signed off, so that's good. I'm also waiting to hear back from an agency in New Orleans that may be able to network for me. So far there are no catches, no crazy fees and no problems - they can even accept my home study. They've come highly recommended by a couple of local adoptive families.

This weekend is Natalya's birthday party, a downtown event Saturday night and I'm watching a friend's daughter pretty much all day Saturday. Sunday is the holiday market, so I'll spend most of the day setting up, selling, then tearing down my recipe book booth. Work has been crazy as we rush to meet big January 1st deadlines, and we're also moving to new offices next week. I'm out of the office for a seminar Friday, and to keep life interesting, my sister-in-law is due pretty much any day now with my nephew!

One thing that's really nice about being more "mature" is the number of real holiday parties I'm invited to this time of year. Instead of BYOB and showing up whenever, people are actually organizing, planning and hosting nice get-togethers. I've already been to one, hosted one, and have 4 more on my calendar. Naturally this means I've been baking every spare minute!

January is going to feel like a real snoozer after this month. Good thing, because I might need it to recover.

Open House and Grant News

I got to try Funfetti cookies for the first time.

This week I attended an open house at A New Beginning, the agency I’d like to work with. Everyone was really friendly and all the case workers knew my home study story. They all agreed that I should network on my own till next fall and only do a new home study if I haven’t been matched with a baby by then. One woman also put me in touch with Spokane Consultants, an agency I might be able to work with in Northern Idaho. A couple recently adopted through them and it only cost $6,000.

I got to meet two women who had previously placed babies for adoption – one 2 years ago, and the other 14 years ago. The latter recently married for the first time and was there with her 2 week old baby girl. It was neat meeting them and hearing where their lives have gone since the adoptions.

I also met a 46 year old woman hoping to adopt for the first time, but quickly realizing she’s too old for most programs. (Again with the double standards! Bio parents have undergone in vitro as old as age 60.) And I overheard a couple just starting the process asking all their questions: “How long will it take? How do we start a home study? How much does it cost?” So glad I’m out of that phase!

And finally, I signed up for a free Financing Adoption course on January 24th. The guy who offers the class is a financial advisor who was adopted himself, so the class is his way of giving back. The timing was good, considering today I heard that I haven’t been awarded the biggest of the 3 grants I applied for. I’m really bummed, but they received 400 applications and only had $60k to award. I’ll apply again in April for June awards. I know they try to reward people who have been working hard on their own, so hopefully all my fundraising efforts will make an even more impressive list next time around.

UPDATE: The Spokane agency called back and informed me they only work with married couples. Boo.

Parent profile done! This version, anyway.

I met with my attorney last week and she had some feedback for my parent profile. Basically I needed to rearrange the whole thing. 

At first, it was fun gathering pictures and writing about myself and my family. But after working on a slow-ish PC  so many weekends and evenings, it got old pretty fast. Even Natalya lost interest in the "family book". (I don't have Photoshop on my Mac, too expensive.) 

I still need to add at least one photo page with pics of the Wisconsin side of the family, but I'm glad the new profile is officially live. Check it out of you'd like: http://chryssareadytoadopt.blogspot.com. (This is the web address listed on my pass along cards.)

In other news, I crafted my strongly-worded letter to CASI over the weekend and decided to request a partial refund of $600 for the home study misinformation, the difference between renewing my home study next fall and getting a new one. I think this is a fair compromise, and it would allow me to pursue a new home study on a schedule that suits me. 

Jayda and the Big Girl Bed

As much as I resisted for more than a year, mostly for the sake of the cats, my dog now sleeps on my bed. (She used to sleep in a kennel in the living room.) It all started one Friday evening a few weeks ago when I discovered the sliding glass door to my room ajar, and I couldn’t recall having used that door in days. It freaked me out, so I let Jayda sleep with me in case anyone tried to get in.

I started to realize that in order to put up a Christmas tree or add a Pack N Play eventually, I’d have to put at least one chair in storage, thanks to my “cozy” living room. Or, I could let Jayda outgrow her kennel.

Jayda still considers the bed cat territory
and is slightly sheepish every time she hops up.

Long story short, Jayda is now a regular bed sleeper. She wakes up early every morning but quietly goes downstairs and sits on the couch until I’m up. She and the cats call a time-out at bedtime, so everyone sleeps nicely without chasing or swatting. (The other night I actually woke to discover one of the cats sleeping ON her. I think the cat was as surprised as anyone.)

So this weekend the kennel went into the garage and the Christmas tree went up in the living room. It’s nice to not have to look at a giant metal cage anymore, and nice to know that I’ve transitioned the pets into a longer-term sleeping arrangement. Of course, they may decide to move into the second bedroom once a crying infant is next to my bed.

Where Will You Be Next Thanksgiving?

Me, Will, Julia, Coler, Brandon and Jennifer.

I've only hosted one Thanksgiving Day, and it was in Mexico in 2002. I invited my fellow orphaned American friends and cooked a turkey for the first time (before I was a vegetarian.) Turkeys were hard to find and expensive, but it was worth it. I only made $30 a week waiting tables before tips, the the turkey was $15 if memory serves. Half a week's salary!

My friends planned ahead well and visited Internet cafes in order to get recipes from their parents via email. I remember Julia made stuffing, and Brandon (who hadn't learned Spanish yet) accidentally bought a thick, syrupy Vino para Consagrar - consecration wine - thinking he was being the classy guy showing up with a nice white and some crusty bread. We laughed and improvised what was probably a sacrilegious communion.

Coler was the only one brave enough to carve the turkey, and the truth is, I don't remember Coler. Thankfully I wrote his name and a few details on the back of this picture in 2002. If anyone knows this guy, tell him to look me up.

When we sat down to eat, instead of asking everyone what they were thankful for, I asked everyone to say where they thought they'd be in a year - Thanksgiving 2003. I don't think any of us knew! We all had so many options and were open to whatever life threw at us.

Of course, this year is different for me. I like where I live, I like my job, I have lots of friends and family is nearby. So I know exactly where I hope to be next Thanksgiving - right here, plus one.

What about you? How would you like Thanksgiving 2012 to look?

Thankful for Non-Corrupt Police Forces

The bar at Harry Bissett's, where I spent many hours waiting tables.

When I lived in Mexico, I worked at Harry Bissett's New Orleans Restaurant. We had a couple of drivers, Jorge and Paco, who went to Mexico City a few times a week to pick up fresh seafood. This time of year they'd also load up on frozen turkeys for the gringos to purchase from the market next door. It was about a 4-hour trip each way.

They headed out one November day and a few hours later, we received a call at the restaurant. They had been pulled over outside Mexico City and the police were demanding to see permits that weren't really required. The guys put together as much cash as possible to "buy" permits on the spot, but they only had a few hundred pesos between them. That wasn't enough to keep the cops happy, and Jorge's phone was running out of minutes. We couldn't send anyone to help because we didn't have their exact location.

Hours went by without any news from the guys until they finally pulled up to the restaurant after dark. Turns out, when the officers heard what they were hauling, they demanded to be let into the truck. Inside, they helped themselves to the fattest turkeys so they'd have something nice to eat on Christmas. They took their pesos and birds and let Jorge and Paco go.

Note about Mexican police officers: Cops in Mexico are only required to have a junior high education. They make about $4 an hour and have no benefits.

Crazy Busy (Fun!) Weekend

Blackberry crepes.

I started the weekend by setting up a baby registry at Burlington's Baby Depot. It feels really early, but many adoptive parents say now is the time to get started. Apparently when I get "the call", the last thing on my mind will be researching bouncy chairs, high chairs, bottles, etc. The woman who helped me set up my account is part of an adoptive family herself - her daughter and husband adopted a little girl in Utah. (And then, after 13 years of infertility, went on to have 3 biological sons.)

Yesterday I headed out with my sisters-in-law for a marathon day of Christmas shopping. Yazmin is 9 months pregnant and needed to get her shopping done asap. We hit tons of stores and spend 8 hours out and about, ending the adventure with a dead battery in the mall parking lot. Thankfully mall security rescued us! After that, we watched BSU win again and sampled the first batch of lefse and pecan chocolate chip cookies this season.

This morning I whipped up my favorite breakfast lately - blackberry crepes. Then I cleaned out the garage to make room for all the awesome yard sale stuff I'm getting for this spring, painted a desk for Natalya and baked a new type of pie. If the recipe is good, I'll bake it again when I have the family over for a holiday get-together in December.

Now I'm back at the computer to finish updating my parent profile based on my attorney's feedback. Whew. Long weekend, but great fun. And I LOVE that I get a short work week this week!

Choosing My Battles

I have two options.

#1 Fight for my $1,000 back from CASI, and if I am successful, end up with no approved home study until February. I assume they'd revoke the one they prepared, and A New Beginning couldn't complete mine until February based on their class schedules. This would jeopardize the grant I might be awarded in December.

#2 Network on my own and through my adoption attorney until next fall. If I'm still waiting to adopt then, I can bite the bullet and pay for a new home study with A New Beginning (when I would have had to pay $400 to renew my home study anyway.)

I think I'm going with option #2. I don't want to spend my holidays fighting with a less-than-informed agency staff when I wouldn't even really benefit from the best-case outcome. And I really don't want to risk losing a grant. Of course, the infant program coordinator and executive director at CASI will still be receiving strongly worded letters from me, and I'll also file official complaints with any statewide or local adoption boards I can track down. It's not right for CASI reps to make promises they have no ability to keep.

Now, I'm letting this all go so I can enjoy a weekend of Christmas shopping (getting a jump start to avoid Black Friday) and winter projects.

She "Didn't Know"

I heard back from CASI today, and the woman who told me I could use my home study anywhere didn't know that the only other agency in Idaho won't accept it. I was surprised to hear her say that. I thought she'd tell me I had misunderstood, or a policy had recently changed. But nope, she just admitted she "didn't know".

So, where do I go from here? How hard do I want to fight for my money back so I can start over with the home study process? I'm not sure. I'll sleep on it.

Good Stuff

No news on the home study situation yet, but I met with my attorney this morning and got some great feedback on my parent profile. A few tweaks and they'll start showing it to birth parents when I meet those parents' requirements.

I also stopped by the Ada Dems meeting tonight to say hi and hand out my adoption cards. I've almost given away the entire first order of 250 cards! I've handed out a few sets of 5 or 10, but the rest have been one at a time to people who have now heard my story.

I also heard back today from one of the grant organizations. They have a monthly review process and won't consider any applicant until they've been matched with a baby, but the good news is I'm on file with them, and they'll basically be on standby until I'm matched.

And, finally, things are arranged for me to sell my recipe books at a holiday market on the 11th. It was quite the experience trying to navigate the small business/vendor rules for the city, so I hope it turns out to be worth it.

Another Bump in the Road

Today I was looking forward to joining a list of waiting parents at A New Beginning adoption agency. Their fees are reasonable, they're very well connected and it turns out I misunderstood their policy on single women, so I am welcome. Great news!

Not so fast. It turns out my home study is no good at A New Beginning! I'm angry because the folks at CASI told me the great thing about doing a home study with them is that I could "take it anywhere". No extra fees, no issues. It would be my home study to do with as I pleased. 

I find it extremely hard to believe that CASI isn't aware of the policies of the only other adoption agency in Idaho. Either way, they misrepresented what they could offer me and I will be working to get at least a partial refund from them.

Meanwhile, a nice woman at A New Beginning is going to see what she can do on their end to minimize my home study fees with them, should I decide to re-do the home study and get on their list. 

The rush? I have to do it all before the first of the year if I want to get any of these fees back on my 2012 taxes (there's a one year delay before you can file adoption expenses).

Tomorrow morning I'm meeting with my adoption attorney, so I'll get her take on the situation too. This is so frustrating and disheartening at times. 

Telling Kids About Adoption

A couple of weeks ago we started introducing my niece (almost 5) to the idea of adoption. At first she wondered if her pregnant mom was going to be one of the parents who couldn't keep her baby, but we explained no, and then she sort of started to get it. As we put together the recipe books, she said carefully, "You need money so you can get a baby." She also understood that it wouldn't grow in my tummy like her baby brother in mom's tummy. Yep, close enough for now.

Then last night she hugged me and said "You're going to have a baby, but not in your tummy. You're just going to . . .organize it." I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help it. It was so cute and really the perfect way to describe what I'm doing. I love that in her world, it's going to happen "next year" and there are no doubts about it. I think I'm going to borrow her outlook!

Thinking About Spring

Yay, purple.

Before you think I'm totally crazy, let me explain. My sister-in-law and roommate both did some cleaning this weekend and have set aside items for a second community yard sale this spring. I had almost forgotten about the plan, oops!

So as you're doing your holiday organization, trips to the attic, etc. please keep me in mind if you have items you no longer need. Text me, FB message me or leave a comment here and I'll be happy to come take it off your hands.

The yard sale in August was very successful and we had people come for clothes, furniture, sporting equipment and even a dog collar. You never know which item might bring a whole family to shop.

Thanks for keeping me in mind, and have fun decorating your homes for the holidays. I know I'm enjoying my new purple wall and recovered throw pillows. :)

Snow and Sprinklers

Okay, I admit it wasn't quite this bad.

Today on my lunch break I braved the first snow of the season to get a draft copy of the recipe book, Sprinklers, printed at Office Depot downtown. Everything looked great so I ordered a bunch more to pick up on my way home from work. Then I'll be cutting and binding till the cows come home.

I chose the name Sprinklers because that's what Natalya used to call candy sprinkles, and with a sugar cookie-cover, I thought it was appropriate and unique.

And, it looks like I'll have a booth at the outdoor Procrastinator's Holiday Market on Sunday, December 11th, so that's exciting. They're going to have fire pits and hot cocoa for the shoppers, and more than 30 local vendors will be there with their high-quality goods. So if you're into buying local, don't miss it!

Anyone outside the Boise area who wouldn't mind a digital copy of the recipe book can find it on eBay for $7. The printed version will be $10, with your choice of a pink or green photo border.

A Little Help

CASI called back with a solution to the roommate situation, so that's straightened out and I won't have to pay massive fees every time one moves in and moves out. Very grateful for that!

I also found out that my roommate's job may keep her in Boise till March instead of January, and we're getting along well so it's nice to know I may have a few more months of rommie income than I had planned on.

So today is better than Monday.

Major Frustrations

Yes, I wish it grew on trees!

Let me preface this post by saying I had an awesome Halloween weekend and I won the funniest costume award at work today, so things aren't all bad.

I have to admit that so far, the adoption process has gone relatively smoothly for me. So I guess it’s only fair I get a taste of the frustration other adoptive parents have experienced.

1. I learned that 2011 is the final year the adoption tax credit will be refundable. This means that if I adopt in 2012, the amount of taxes I owe could be reduced to $0, but after that, I won’t get anything back. People who adopt this year can get the full $13k even if they don’t owe any taxes.

2. If I decide to pay the agency’s waiting list fee of $2,000, I need to do it this year so I can be sure I get it back as a tax refund. But I can’t ask for it until I file my 2012 taxes (random rule.)

3. But wait. Without the $13k tax refund, I can only afford the minimum adoption budget of $15k (and that may be a stretch.) And on that budget, CASI can only network with 3 other agencies for me. Do I want to pay $2,000 so they can network with just 3 agencies on my behalf?

4. Contrary to what I was told before, the agency is now telling me that my roommate will need to meet with the caseworker in person and there will be a $150 fee to amend my home study. This is NOT what I was told before I paid the home study fee. Grr. My roommate is only in town for 2 more months on business, and having to pay for her to be there would be a huge bummer. I'm already having to foot the bill for her background checks for ID and MT. 

Grr!

Adoption Cards are Ready!

After delayed shipping and printing errors, I finally received my adoption cards last night. They're business card size, so it'll be easy to hang on to a few in case you find yourself in a conversation with someone who knows someone who knows someone who is considering an adoption plan.

If you'd like a few cards for yourself, leave your name in the comments and I'll make sure you get some. There's no rush to hand them out - just hang on to them until the time is right.

Sugar Cookie Photo Shoot

In between prepping for Halloween, dad’s birthday and Yazmin’s baby shower this weekend, I also had to find time to shoot a cover for my recipe book. Anyone who’s tried it probably learned the hard way that food usually looks disgusting on camera.

One restaurant reviewer actually posted this Mexican dish photo.

 In commercials, artists use Elmer’s Glue for cereal milk and wax for ice cream. McDonald’s even has a team of food painters - I hear they start with actual McFood parts (as required by law), but paint them to intensify the colors. 

Anyway, there are a few exceptions to the rule. Fresh fruit, vegetables and frosted sugar cookies typically photograph quite well, so I opted for a cookie cover. The printing won’t go all the way to the edges of the covers so I’m still working on an illustrated frame for the book, but I’ll include a sneak peek of one of the photos.

Jayda loved catching sprinkles as they bounced off the counter.

 

Not the winning shot, but I bet you'd kill for a frosted sugar cookie right now.

If you’re interested in reading more about commercial food photography, there’s an interesting blurb here.

Recipe Books

Natalya showing off her mini summer squash loaf.

I'm putting together a bound recipe book with 30 great recipes to sell as an adoption fundraiser. They'll be ready some time next week, and the price is just $8 if you're in Boise and $10 if I need to ship it to you.

If you're outside Boise, you can use the Paypal "donate" button on the upper left hand side of the blog and email me your mailing address. If you're in town, let me know and I'll make arrangements to stop by your home or work.

Some of the recipes include:

Beer Bread with Spinach Dip

Apple Brie Flat Bread

Rajas a la Crema (vegetarian)

My Mom's Homemade Lasagna (vegetarian)

Tortilla Soup (vegetarian)

Pumpkin Gut Bread

Summer Squash Bread

Apple Pie

Swedish Farmer Cookies

About half the entree recipes are vegetarian by default, but meat can be added easily for the carnivores in your family.

Sticker Shock - Coupons, Please!

At the advice of other adoptive parents, I've decided to start building up a supply of diapers and wipes. I've always heard how expensive diapers are, but holy cow! $35 for a box from Walmart? Time to start joining in on those family trips to Costco.

I tried to sign up for coupons and alerts on all the major diaper sites (their forms are awful), and I'll also be looking for coupons in weekly papers. If you come across diaper or wipe coupons, please stash them away for me. Thanks in advance!

Signs a Birth Mom Might Change Her Mind

About 1/3 of adoptive parents experience a "failed placement" before they successfully adopt, according to what I've read. Naturally this is a concern for me, especially if any exchange of money takes place before the parent changes her mind. Whether it was used for medical expenses, living expenses, etc., it would be considered a gift and therefore, long gone.

Some sources list the following warning signs that a birth mom might change her mind:

• Her mom is not supportive of the adoption plan
• She doesn't know who the father is, or won't say
• She has friends who are parents
• She has no career or education plan for herself post-adoption
• She has chosen a name for the baby
• She has unrealistic post-adoption expectations, for example, weekly visits with the adoptive family

Obviously no case will be by-the-book, but I still think it's good to know what to look for in a potential match.

My pass along cards should arrive before Wednesday, and I'm excited to start sharing them. My attorney leans toward a "first right of refusal" plan, where anyone who thinks they know a birth parent would have to come to me for information and permission to tell them about me. But I'd rather get my name out there as much as possible, in as many states as possible. If I'm contacted by a birth mom whose situation isn't right for me, I'll just let her know. There are plenty of waiting families and no child will go without a loving home.

Officially Waiting!

I found out this morning that my approved home study was submitted last Friday, so I am officially "waiting to adopt". Today I'll be ordering my little cards to help network, and I think I'm all squared away with the private attorney to be part of their pool of waiting parents. Still undecided about whether I want to network with an agency...

I also told the Marketing team at work today. All but one of them already knew - my boss heard from me a couple of weeks ago and the other two heard through the nosy coworker's grapevine - but they all seemed excited and supportive. One guy on the team seems baffled by anyone deliberating wanting a child, but I suppose that's to be expected of a 27 year old guy.

So now, I wait. I'll let everyone know when the cards are ready so they can be handed out to anyone who might know someone who might know someone.

Most Laughable Fundraising Ideas

I did another Google search to make sure I've found all the grants I can apply for. (I'm automatically disqualified from most for being single and/or not religious.) Some of the ideas out there are pretty worthless, and these are the top three so far:

• Use funds in your savings accounts
• Use a home equity loan
• Ask parents for an advance on your inheritance

First of all, pretty sure I thought of using money I already have. Secondly, almost no one has equity in their homes in this market. And third, really? I can hear the conversation now. "Mom and dad, I know you're in great health and you haven't even retired yet. But could you do me a favor and calculate what your net worth might be in oh, say 20 or 30 years and go ahead and give me my share? Great, thanks."

Cheers to the Freakin' Weekend

I have a pretty sweet gig lined up, sitting in a parade home and chatting with visitors who stop by. It was busy this morning but has slowed down considerably, so I'm sipping coffee and eating the homemade sugar cookies I made last night. Yes, I can think of worse ways to earn a buck.

Speaking of bucks, I'm still torn on whether I want to spend 2,000 of them to get on a waiting list with CASI. I won't be able to decide fully until I know if I'm receiving any grant money. But here's what I'm thinking: If I don't get a grant, my budget will be low. Since CASI won't network with agencies whose fees are outside my price range, having a low budget means fewer agencies to network with. Which means paying $2,000 to get on what could be a very short list of agencies probably isn't a good use of money.

Until then, I eagerly await copies of my approved home study, and I will definitely start networking on my own and through a private attorney as early as this week. This week! Holy cow. So exciting.

Paperwork...zzzz....

I'm pretty sure getting into grad school required less paperwork than this process. Between the home study, grants, agency and attorney forms, my head is sort of spinning right now.

The two grant apps should go in the mail early next week when I have copies of my approved home study, and I don't think the attorney will need anything else until I'm matched with a baby. I was sort of annoyed by their intake form, though. Even though they're happy to help single women (and gay couples, I assume), the form fields still say HUSBAND and WIFE, and HUSBAND is always listed first.

But overall, life is good and the process keeps moving forward.

Boise people: Be sure to check out Rascal's Rack at Collister and State St. for good deals on like-new baby and kid gear. I bought their $10 Groupon the other day and came out with quite a haul for Yazmin's upcoming baby shower.

But Wait, Have You Seen My Lovely Closets?

Monica and Luisa sunbathing.

Today at noon, case worker Elizabeth showed up for the actual "home" part of the home study. Jayda cuddled right up next to her on the couch and was on her best behavior throughout the conversation. Elizabeth raved about how sweet and mellow she is. (Ha!) Later, my little orange cat Monica tiptoed down the stairs and offered the sweetest, most pathetic little series of meows, prompting yet another round of raving about precious my pets are. (Good girls, you all get extra treats later.)

Elizabeth and I chatted for more than an hour on topics related to the paperwork I'd already submitted. Afterwards, she got up to take a look around the house. I was prepared to give a tour and started out by pointing the downstairs bath and laundry area, and just as I reached for the laundry doors, she said, "Oh I don't need to see any of that." She proceeded to check the backyard and the baby's room for any possible hazards, skipping all newly organized drawers, storage areas and closets along the way! Didn't even look into the freshly-scrubbed bathroom or freshly-vacuumed bedroom, and didn't see that I now have a neat little basket on the top shelf of my linen closet to keep all the medication in one safe place.

Oh well. The real goal was to complete the home study before October 15th and it looks like that's going to happen. And the best part - I feel like the invasive dive into my life by complete strangers is now mostly over. Yes!

Tonight's the Night!

That's right - no more waiting and no more putting it off. Tonight I get to clean in preparation for my actual home study visit! Ta da!

Okay, even I can't pretend to be excited about this. Overall my house is in good shape, but I really do need to tackle the linen closet, under the kitchen and bathroom sinks, and the massive laundry monster in my room. If I want to play this weekend (and not wake up at 6 AM on Sunday), I really do need to get this done tonight.

Maybe I'll make some home made bread and split pea soup so I have something to look forward to around 8 PM...that'll make a nice break while I watch The Office and Parks and Rec.

The case worker will come over Sunday at noon, and she expects it'll take an hour or two to cover all the topics of discussion and see the house. Then she promises to work fast to have the official home study complete by Friday the 12th. On Saturday the 13th, I hope to have two grant applications in the mail. Wish me luck!

Gearing Up

I emailed the online group I’m part of and asked what I should have on hand “just in case” I get that less-than-24-hour notice placement. What started out as a list of about 5 items has quickly grown to include no-brainers I had forgotten about, like a car seat and bottles. Ha, oops.

I really wasn’t going to start shopping yet, but this weekend I scored a like-new cosleeper on Craigslist for $30 – they go for almost $200 new. It attaches to the edge of the bed so the baby is close by without actually being in the bed. And the woman selling it was also happened to be selling the car seat with an owl pattern I absolutely love, which has been discontinued by Graco (the pattern, not the seat). So yeah, I have started my pile of basics. I might even go get a Snap N Go stroller frame for $8 ($80 new) if a different woman emails me back. There are such amazing deals to be had on gently used baby stuff, I can’t imagine why anyone buys brand new.

Next weekend is a large baby item consignment sale that only happens twice a year, so Yazmin and I are going to check it out. I really don’t need to buy anything else this early, but she might find some handy items before my nephew is born in December.