Distractions (and T42?!)

With the big job transition just around the corner, I’ve been in need of more distractions than usual. Thankfully the weather has been gorgeous and the trees spectacular, so Felix and I have enjoyed lots of time outdoors.

We visited a pumpkin patch a couple weekends ago and Felix was most excited about big trucks on the freeway first. Then he warmed up to the place and had a great time riding trains, petting animals and playing in the corn box. I asked another parent to take our photo and had a mini panic attack when I realized that if I go according to my plan B, I will be doing another home study before next October and THESE pictures will be part of my profile. Ahh! I am so not ready for that. (Plan A was to start again when Felix turned two, but the desire for a bigger house and life with a toddler pushed back the timeline to at least next fall.)

Look mom, trucks!

The corn box - challenging but fun.

Riding to the pumpkin patch.

Running away from the camera.

We also took a long walk on the greenbelt, and I could have spent the whole time taking pictures of the trees. Instead I decided to put away my phone and just enjoy it. I finally broke down and took just a couple of pics at the end when Felix was playing in the leaves. He knows when the camera is out and sometimes looks away and shakes his head "no", so I'm trying to keep the annoying mom habits to a minimum.

Last weekend we went to Baker City for a friend’s college graduation and Halloween party. (The same family we stayed with when Felix was a newborn.) Andrea went all-out decorating the house and coming up with freaky ways to serve food, and we had a great time! Felix wasn’t scared of any of it – he walked right up to a skull and said “Hi!” I consider this an accomplishment because he was scared when Halloween costumes first hit the stores, but I stopped to play peek-a-boo with the scary masks and little by little, he associated them with fun and games.

Fix-It Felix and Lois Griffin. He traded his hat for Stewie.

Another friend and her two kids were in Baker as well, so we had big sleepovers two nights in a row, breakfast together in the mornings, and I had babysitters on hand all weekend. On Saturday we moms sipped lattes and walked the quaint downtown shopping thrift and antique stores. Then we took pictures of each other’s families in the park (I’m saving my favorite for our holiday card). That night we had dinner at a brew pub, then played darts and had another drink at the new brewery across the street. It was a long, tiring day, and we were all home by 9:15. Ha.

My dad loves this pic because it reminds him just how small Felix is.

Mara (13) did an excellent job taking care of Felix and going through his bedtime routine. She prides herself on having “changed his diapers since he was newborn” and was able to tell when he was tired and ready for bed. She even had the sense to swap his empty milk cup for a stuffed animal when he started to cry, then read him a couple of stories and put him to bed. He slept soundly on his own all night.

Now I'm ready to get through my last few days at work so I can get into a new routine before the holidays!

Getting Organized

At Work
I have 8 full days left at my current job and they haven't posted my position yet. So there's little chance I'll be around to help interview, and no chance I'll be there to train the new person. This really stressed me out for a couple of days, then I had to just let go.

On Friday my coworkers scheduled a one-hour training session to become more familiar with the programs I use on a daily basis. They had pained looks on their faces by the end, realizing it would not be an easy task to just pick up where I left off "while" I'm gone, as my manager worded it. (Almost like he's thinking of it as another maternity leave, and you may remember I worked part-time throughout my leave.) Anyway, letting go.

I was invited to teach again this spring, but declined. I took the job for career growth and extra income, which I don't feel I will need with the new job. But, I do enjoy teaching and won't rule it out for the future.

At Home
I spent some time this weekend organizing my MacBook and iPhone. My desktop was covered in so many icons, there was no screen space left and they were piling on top of each other sometimes 10 deep. I'm stuck in this outdated cycle where I can't use Firefox or Chrome or upgrade flash because my operating system is too old. I can't sync my iPhone because iTunes is out of date, but I can't update it until I have the new operating system. I couldn't upgrade my phone's iOS because there were too many pictures on my phone, but my computer is really slow and not able to download my pics from the iPhone without freezing.

I had more than 5,000 photos on my iPhone dating back to before Felix was born. Photos on my computer dated back to 2010. Obviously technology has not been a priority over the past couple of years.

I ordered the new operating system for my MacBook on eBay, but there's a chance my computer is too old to run it. It is - GASP - 6 years old. The new OS was only $30 because it's been out so long. I also bought an external drive to backup my photos and other files before upgrading, but get this - I can't use the drive until I update my OS! Arrgh.

I love Macs, but I hate how expensive and time consuming it is to stay current. They're *this close* to losing me as a customer after nearly 15 years of dedication. If my computer can't run the new OS, it's going to be virtually worthless.

Proud Papa
As I toiled away on my computer most of yesterday, Felix was enjoying his new role as papa. One morning last week, I checked on him in his room and found him trying to feed a dirty, naked, one-handed baby doll that used to be mine. It was so cute! I figure he learned from watching his daycare provider with a new baby she watches. So I decided to get him his own baby doll with bottle, and he took to her immediately. She went with us everywhere yesterday. He loves to cuddle her, feed her, burp, her, then poke her in the eye and body slam her.

You Can't Prove Anything

This afternoon we went to a new park. The only other kids at the playground were three girls, ranging in age from about 10 - 15.

The youngest girl told the others, "My mom's in prison for 3 years, and my dad's in jail." They didn't act surprised or ask why. They went on to talk about how "bad" their houses were, comparing who had the smallest, who rented apartments and who rented "a real house". Another girl said they only had a one-bedroom apartment, so her mom and step dad put her bed in the living room. The girl with the real house conceded it was tiny and not very good.

They also talked about who was the poorest. The oldest girl said that the (raggedy) outfit she had on was "my nicest outfit" and named where she got each piece - all hand-me-down or thrift store. None of the conversation seemed to be for pity or shock value, and there was no melodrama. It was just normal conversation.

At one point, Felix wanted to walk across a large grassy area. I could still see my purse and Jayda leashed to the park bench, so I kept an eye on them while we walked. As we got farther away, I noticed the girls milling around my purse and it made me nervous, so I picked up Felix and headed back.

Then I noticed the girls petting Jayda, and suddenly she was off leash and running like a bat out of hell across the park. I managed to catch her and looked up toward the girls. Their reaction surprised me. They immediately turned their backs and started to wander off in three different directions, as though they hadn't seen what happened (let alone possibly caused it).

I was kneeling with one hand on Jayda's collar and Felix on my hip, both squirming like mad. I hollered to the girls, "BRING ME HER LEASH!" They looked surprised and then quickly worked together to get it off the bench and bring it to me. They sort of weakly explained "She just suddenly got loose..." Which I believe, because her leash has come apart in the past.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I wonder if the girls' reaction is the product of growing up with adults who don't take responsibility for themselves. "I'll just turn my back and maybe the problem will go away..." I would expect anyone, upon accidentally releasing a dog from its leash, to try and catch it. I'd even expect most people to help a mom struggling with a toddler and a loose dog, regardless of how the situation came about. But for some reason, these girls decided the best plan was to pretend it never happened. Huh.

Jayda snoozing in the back seat after a camping trip earlier this summer.

  
For the record, I asked my friend's 13 year old daughter what she'd do if she accidentally let a stranger's dog off leash, and she said she'd call the dog and try to get it to come back. 

Jayda has a strong prey drive and is very difficult to catch! See her run in this short video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrJm2bfZbRg

I Am Who I Am

It’s a big week here. Felix has passed the self-awareness test! This means he fully understands he is his own person, and he knows he’s looking at himself in a mirror (not some other friendly kid). He has a pumpkin headband he loves to play with, and I noticed he was looking at his reflection in the sliding glass door to make sure he put it on straight. Then last night, he put it on and pointed to the mirror so I’d hold him up. When he saw his reflection, he reached up to his own head to adjust the headband.

Hey handsome!

It’s neat watching such a simple brain function kick in – just 2 weeks ago he didn’t realize he was looking at himself. According to a few sources, about 50% of toddlers will be self-aware by 18 months, and 65% by 24 months. If you have a little one in this age range, Google “self-awareness tests” for some fun ways to test.

In other growing-up news, Felix is starting his bilingual preschool on November 1st. He’ll go one day a week to start, and I’m excited for him to start having a little more structure in his schedule. Don’t get me wrong, cars are great! But I’m sure he will enjoy something other than playing with cars for 6 hours at daycare and another 2 or 3 hours at home.

Change is in the Air

It was a whirlwind of a week. On Monday, I interviewed for a Director of Marketing and Communications position. On Monday afternoon, I was called back for a second interview. Wednesday, about 90 seconds after leaving the second interview, I was offered the position. Yeah!

The offer was contingent upon my current employer providing a positive reference, which I knew would not be a problem. It meant I had to rush back to the office, break the news I’d be leaving after more than 3 ½ years, and then put my boss in touch with the new employer. It felt a little “fake”, making all these big plans before the news had really sunk in. But it’s real, and my start date is November 4th. My coworkers gave me lots of congrats and a few asked if I'd been headhunted, which I took as a compliment.

I could not be more excited about this opportunity. It’s exactly what I was looking for in terms of career advancement, with a fantastic organization I’ve been familiar with for years. The type of work, the hours, the location, the benefits, everything is great. I’ll also be working alongside women more senior than myself, which will be a first for me. Hard to believe, isn’t it? Or maybe not so much. 

The stars really aligned this time. The guy who left the position put in a good word for me during his exit interview. He and I met through his wife about 4 years ago when I was volunteering on a local community health initiative. Also, I tried a new resume format which allowed me to highlight accomplishments without making the reader go through all my work history. 

Coincidentally, the new employer recently hired an ad agency led by someone I worked with in advertising about 5 years ago, and he also put in a good word for me after my first interview. Finally, I will have two salespeople who report to me, so it was perfect to be able to mention I teach a Professional Selling course, and I was able to answer their hypothetical sales questions well. I couldn’t have scripted a better combination of events.

My coworkers jokingly asked if I was going to bail right away, and I answered honestly – I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I did that! I’m definitely feeling the rush to tie things up at my current job so I don’t leave them hanging, and I had a couple of crappy nights of sleep this week as a result. Today I’m finally able to slow down, organize, and look forward without worrying. I hope they/we hire my replacement soon so I can spend a few days getting the new person up to speed. 

Tomorrow Felix and I are going to the pumpkin patch with our Babies & Tots group. I scheduled a weekend outing for working parents and we have 10 signed up, so it should be lots of fun.

Not eating cat food. Just watching...I promise.

He has the smiliest eyes.

Walk to the Park

Our closest neighborhood park is 1.3 miles from the house, on the other side of a 5-lane avenue that makes us go 4 blocks out of our way to reach a crosswalk. Sometimes after dinner, I’ll load up Felix and the dog and walk over so we can all get a little exercise and fresh air.

After crossing the biggest street, the neighborhood we have to walk through is quite a sight. It’s made of about one-third updated, beautiful old homes, and about two-thirds (what look like) meth labs and random garages with chain-link fenced front yards and “BEWARE OF DOG” signs.

Taken from Google images because I didn't want to pull out my camera!

The typical passerby is a grown man in a dirty tank top riding a boy’s bike, cigarette dangling from one hand. Or someone walking suspiciously slowly down the street, like they’re out of it or up to no good (or both). Then just as I start to think maybe I shouldn’t have walked, I’ll be greeted by a lovely lady working in her perfect garden, wearing a cute coordinated outfit and smiling from ear to ear.

As we move through the neighborhood, we set off all the dogs. Chihuahuas go crazy scraping at the windows to get at us; pit bull types charge their chain link fences with warning barks. And there’s always a little white stubby-legged dog, off-leash, that runs to the sidewalk throwing a massive fit with all his might. But he backs up a little with each bark, so I figure he’s more scared of us than we are of him.

Finally we make it to the next major crossroad, and it’s like another world. There’s a large Mormon church surrounded by a perfectly manicured lawn and cute homes. When we get to the park, it’s full of soccer moms and organized sports and kids playing tag on the playground.

Felix always  has a great time playing on the toys and meeting other kids, but we rarely have more than 15 minutes before we have to head back so we can get home before dark. It's always quite the adventure.

The Wrong Kind of Praise

This weekend Felix and I were thrift store shopping when we ran into an acquaintance we hadn’t seen since last spring. She was working so we chatted briefly about Halloween costumes and the perfect Fix-It Felix shoes I’d just found for $2. She leaned down to Felix and told him how big he was getting, then got a really serious tone in her voice and said to me, “Well, good for you. Really, it’s just so great you’re doing this.”

At first I thought, Umm, most parents shop for their kids’ Halloween costumes…then I realized she meant the adoption. Almost like I’d volunteered to dog walk for the local shelter, or collect cans of food for the food bank. I didn’t know what to say so I just sort of ended the conversation with a smile and “Well, good to see you!”

Later that night, someone shared a related blog post in my online adoption group. There’s a “Christian Adoption Movement” that has backfired in some ways. For example, parents wanting to save children from poverty in Guatemala led to healthy, wanted infants being stolen from their mothers and sold on the black market, which eventually led to ban on U.S. residents adopting from Guatemala. The author sort of vents and doesn’t make her case clearly in some areas, but the general sentiment is correct. People should adopt because they want to be parents, not because they want to “save” a child from the life he or she was born into. When parents go into savior mode, they are often disappointed by the lack of reverence and gratitude the “saved” children display.

I think some hopeful adoptive parents feel selfish saying they want to adopt simply because they want a child. They feel like they should have other motivating factors (like saving a sick or unwanted child from poverty), and this makes them feel like they should be open to any type of child or birth situation, even the ones truly outside their comfort zones. And then you end up with extreme cases of older children being returned to their home countries because the adoptive parents couldn’t cope, and couldn’t figure out why their love wasn’t enough to overcome.

I didn’t save Felix from anything. I don’t consider his adoption a charitable action, and it makes me really uncomfortable to receive praise for it. I adopted because I wanted to be a parent, and I had very specific limits on situations I would consider. I definitely had to get over the guilt factor of excluding certain situations on my agency application, but I’m glad I was honest with myself and didn’t fall into the “savior trap”. Felix’s birth mom was unbelievably strong and generous to place him with me. She never said why, just that she knew he’d be in good hands (her words). I figure she knew she was at her limit with regard to parenting, probably from a resource standpoint. But she wasn’t homeless or crazy or a teenager or any of the other things people might assume about birth moms. It was her choice to place him, and there was no shortage of love for him.

So, what is the right kind of praise to give an adoptive parent? The same kind of praise you’d give any other parent. Tell me about how sweet my son is around babies, how he pointed out that airplane you totally would have missed, how it’s amazing (and I’m lucky) that he can sleep anywhere, or how patient and quiet he was on the airplane, or bus or while waiting in line for the Space Needle. Tell me you’re impressed by the fact that we eat dinner together (almost) every night and my son has clean clothes every day, even when I’m wearing my work-provided logo shirt because I’m out of clean laundry. Those are the times I will smile and say “Thanks!” 

You can check out the aforementioned post here: http://rachelsblatherings.blogspot.com/2011/06/so-you-want-to-adopt-please-dont.html