Let the Games Begin

Late Friday I noticed a new house listing pop up on my real estate app. Great size, location and price. My agent is out of town all week, but I had a feeling the house could go fast so he arranged for someone else to take me to see it Saturday at noon.

Overall it looked good - my only real concern was the old windows - and I started to get excited about possibly making an offer. I called my agent and broker to get things moving, and Felix and I went out to lunch. I started pricing out what it would cost to replace the windows and update the interior trim and doors, getting advice from friends who've done both. The plan was to negotiate a lower price largely due to the windows.

By the time I got home, and before we could put my offer together, we learned that 2, then 3 offers had already been submitted, ALL above asking price (which was reasonable to begin with). The listing agent was encouraging everyone to submit their "best and final offers". It was feeling like a mad dash between a whole bunch of parties, none of whom had any idea what was really going on. The house had been on the market for about 18 hours at this point.

I took a minute to collect my thoughts and decided not to fight for it. It would have been easy to let my stubborn and competitive nature take over, but the bottom line is that the house isn't worth what they're getting for it.

I went back and looked at the agent's email answer about the windows, and they're 24 years old. And the big shocker - their utility bills are more than double what I've been paying, for just 40% more space. I had also realized at some point that there's no kitchen pantry. I'd be surprised if the bidders thought about either of those two things.

So in the end I'm glad I didn't get carried away in the emotion of making an offer. Hopefully all the hubub about this house was just due to a long winter with few listings, and isn't indicative of what I'm in for this spring!

Testing, Testing...1, 2

There must be a documented phase around 21 months because I know I'm not the only one dealing with this. Felix is in a new "testing" phase. Testing all the things he knows he's not supposed to do or touch, usually at a rapid-fire pace that renders my redirection technique pretty worthless.

The past few days I've especially noticed it at home in the evenings before dinner. I see his activity as one of those Family Circus cartoons with the dashed lines, going from the gum in my purse to my Nook to the cat food to the dog water to the silverware drawer to the dining room chair where he climbs up on the table and takes a bite out of an orange he doesn't want.

When I ask him to "put it back" or "sit down please" or "let's go into the living room and play with your balloon!" he starts convulsing and crying and usually throws his head back and hits his head on something. He wails hard for a few seconds, then turns it off like a switch and goes to do something else. I take that as proof he is testing me.

I hope that consistently enforcing the rules gets us through this phase fast.

Single Dads by Choice

Last night Felix and I went to hang out and have dinner with auntie and cousins. It was a fun night with lots of playing, chasing and tug-of-warring over toys. One of my brother's friends (J) was there as well, and after dinner he built a pretty sweet fort for the kids in the living room.

Felix was perched on the edge of the couch frame in the middle of the fort, about 36" from the ground, and I encouraged him to "jump!" He'd been sort-of jumping off the edge of the pool to me in swimming lessons. With my encouragement, he went for it. It was a clumsy jump but he landed on pillows and was very pleased with himself. He got back up on the couch and did it over and over, saying "dowp! dowwwp!" Cousin Hayden decided he wanted to jump too, so he joined in the fun.

Back at the dining room table, J started talking about how he really wants kids. I've overheard snippets of conversation that lead me to believe he's been doing the online dating thing without much luck. He's sort of in between the "I don't want to do it alone..." and "It would be better than never having kids..." phases, a feeling I'm sure a lot of us know very well. I also remember the feeling of being in a house full of fun kids and wishing I had my own.

We talked briefly about what his options would be - adoption or a surrogate? And I remembered a social worker telling me it wasn't very common for single men to adopt, but that sometimes they're needed in foster care situations when a child has been severely traumatized by females. It seemed unfair to reduce the hopeful single father to extremely traumatized children. Also unfair that it probably takes them longer to adopt and costs more if they want a bio kid, since they have to pay for not only an egg donor, but a surrogate. Also unfair that donated eggs cost a lot more than sperm (assumption, based on what I know egg donors are paid), and that egg donors are usually (always?) unknown, unlike so many kids who will be able to meet their sperm donors later. And of course, when using a surrogate, they have to go straight to IVF, another added expense.

I did a little online research and the good news is that there is definitely a growing number of men choosing to be single dads. There's even a hotline they can call with questions. NPR did a story on it in 2012. http://www.npr.org/2012/06/19/154860588/single-dads-by-choice-more-men-going-it-alone

I know a couple of guys aside from J who would make great dads and who I assume want kids, but a partner is nowhere in sight. The next time conversation heads in that direction, I'll make sure they know they aren't weird or creepy for wanting kids as a single guy, and that there is support for them.

It's funny to think this is an area where women have gained societal acceptance faster than men. No thanks to society itself, but rather to the women who made it happen and then started proving our kids turn out great. 

Bunch of Stuff

Lots going on lately. Whenever I think about getting caught up on my blog, there’s so much to write it’s a little overwhelming.

Housing

I’m back to Plan A with regard to housing. I will most likely keep my townhouse as a rental and buy something else. This gives me more flexibility with regard to moving, and will actually cost less out of pocket than if I were to sell. Instead of needing to cover closing fees, a down payment and the difference between sale price and mortgage balance, I only have to come up with the down payment for the new place. I even have prospective tenants coming to see the place this weekend.

If I do need to sell, the other townhouse like mine sold fast and we’ll know how much it sold for in a couple of weeks.

Activities

Felix and I started swimming lessons again last week. I didn’t like the first lesson at all – the pool was cold, it was super crowded and chaotic. But Felix had a good time so we went again, and the second class was much calmer and warmer. Felix even “graduated” to wearing goggles because he can blow nose bubbles. He loves the water now as much as when he was a baby, even getting his ears wet.

We’ve also started going to a free music class at the library on Saturday mornings. Felix doesn’t fully participate yet, but he’s good at sitting in a circle, getting a shaker and putting it back, and listening to the teacher when she reads a story at the end. He spends lots of the class running little laps and diving into my arms, and is very close to doing full somersaults on his own, so I’m looking into tumbling classes this spring when swimming has wrapped up. 

Ready to plow me over in music class.

Even though Felix goes to daycare as does well, it’s not the same as learning to sit, listen and follow instructions. It’s been really neat to see him grow so much just by going to a couple of organized classes. The first time we went to music, he cried and cried when he had to give up his shaker. By the second class, he walked right up to the basket and put it away.

Idaho is one of a few states with no public preschool, and a legislator from my district is introducing a bill this session to launch a 3-year pilot program. The majority here argues we “can’t afford it” and “we shouldn’t let the state raise our kids”. I guess they see no connection between having the lowest rates of education and highest rates of minimum wage jobs.

Daycare Bully

Last week, Felix started crying and clinging to me when we arrived at his daycare. He’d also nervously scan the room when we walked in. Naturally this sent up a red flag for me, and it turns out there’s a new toddler who’s “a hitter and a biter”. One morning I saw her walk right up to Felix and yank his hair till he cried, and another day he came home with a bite mark on his face. His daycare provider is very aware of the issue and doing what she can to curb the behavior. Hopefully the situation resolves very soon – it’s hard to walk away from a scared, crying kid.

Language Explosion

We are finally experiencing the so-called language explosion. Over the past week Felix has been repeating numerous words, and even ventured into 3-syllable territory with “brawberry” (strawberry) last night. Coat, toes, teeth, book, sock, bowl, down, okay, pom pom, off and on are all new in the past few days. I read a tip on another blog (was it SurlyMama?) that said to allow up to one minute for your child to repeat a word to you, and sure enough, as soon as I started giving Felix more time to respond, he was repeating a lot more. I think we have a tendency to say, “Do you want more cereal?...More cereal?...Okay!” and they figure there’s no need to say the words, because we’ll do it for them in 5 seconds.

Sometimes he puts himself in timeout for fun.

Bye, Tree

I was one of those kids who felt bad if any of her stuffed animals were face down or not sitting comfortably. I talk to my plants and my car and briefly mourn wildlife road kill. I feel bad for horses and cows in fields on especially cold days. And I have to admit, it makes me a little sad to think about all the beautiful trees we chop down for Christmas every year. I wondered how I would feel about kicking our gorgeous, special tree to the curb after the holidays. It almost felt better to put a fake tree back in the garage till next year. 

Felix loved our Christmas tree. Every morning when I turned on the lights, he'd say "Woah!" We'd cuddle in the chair next to it, and he'd point to the different ornaments and hear stories about them. He'd say "Hoo! hoo!" to the owl, giggle at the ornaments with his baby pictures on them, and only occasionally gently take one down so he could try to put it back up.

It would have been easier to take the tree down during nap time, but I didn't want him to wake up and be sad it was gone. (Projecting much?) So I took it down while he "helped". When it was time for me to carry the tree outside, I said , "Say bye, tree!" And he dutifully waved and said "Bye, tee. Bye, tee."

Once I got the tree outside I realized I didn't know what to do with it, so I laid it down in a space near my garage. We walk by it at least twice a day now, and every time, Felix waves and says, "Bye, tee."  I suppose of all the things we can pass on to our children, an abundance of misplaced empathy probably isn't the worst. 

2014, Ready or Not

A few minutes after the clock struck midnight and I toasted friends with champagne, I decided I wasn't ready for 2014. I need more time to solidify my plans for the year.

My big goals are very tentative, based on some things out of my control. I still want to sell my house this spring and move into something bigger, but another townhouse like mine just went on the market for $10k less than I'm hoping to get, and it's completely updated inside. Hopefully it'll sell fast and the market will move up a bit before March, so they won't be competition for me.

Most of my minor repairs and updates are done, so there isn't much else to do to prepare for listing until late February, when I'll get a storage unit to clear this place out and make it look roomier. And if I go through all that and can't sell for a decent price, or interest rates skyrocket...ugh. But I'll try not to worry about that unless it actually happens.

This summer I feel like I really need to take a trip to visit our family in the Midwest (10+ different households). Our grandparents aren't traveling anymore and they've all had a few recent health scares. To see everyone I'd need to fly into WI and out of ND, renting a car to drive in between. If I go before Felix turns two I don't need a ticket for him, but that could conflict with house selling and moving. And rental cars are really expensive! I don't mind using a credit card for a trip like that, but it would be dumb to rack up bills while I'm trying to get approved for a new mortgage. So I might be better off waiting till later in the summer and just buying Felix his own ticket.

The other goal hanging over my head is starting the adoption process again. Today I'm not ready for that, but I can't imagine pushing it back to 2015, either. So there's nothing I can do, or want to do, to work toward that goal yet.

The good news is that my little garage gym is working out great. The treadmill is perfect and I picked up a used TV to watch while I'm out there. My favorite time to work out is 8 or 9 PM, something I haven't been able to do since Felix was born.

On the 15th we're starting swimming lessons, and I already have a few events on the calendar for the next couple of months. 2014 is happening whether we're ready or not!

Playing a funny basket game on grandpa's head.

Skyping with Great Grandma on New Year's Day.

Plenty of Christmas

My first few years in college, the holidays were disappointing. Suddenly it would be Thanksgiving or Christmas and 24 hours later it would all be over. I couldn't figure out why they were so anticlimactic compared to my childhood.

Eventually I realized it was because there was no build up to the big day. As a kid, you have school projects, special rehearsals and programs, church pageants, tree decorating and all kinds of things before the actual holiday. On my own, it was just school and work every day until the actual holiday came around. I definitely wasn't making sugar cookies and I don't think I ever had a Christmas tree of my own.

So for the past few years I've made an effort to participate in all kinds of holiday events in order to fully take in the season. This year Felix and I did all kinds of fun stuff, from a "Welcome Santa" party at the mall to house parties and lots of family get-togethers. We hosted a dessert party and make afternoons out of things like getting a Christmas tree, or going out to lunch after shopping all morning.

When Christmas Eve rolled around, we were definitely ready for crab legs and opening presents and the chaos of a full house. We're up to 7 adults, 4 kids and 3 dogs, and the whole two-day affair was funny and exhausting, a never-ending rotation of eating, pictures, gifts, games, movies and naps. And removing things from toddler mouths.

I took the 26th off and got to work cleaning the garage to make room for my new treadmill, purchased on consignment for a steal. (Yep, yet another plan for getting regular exercise.) I sorted through Felix's toys and weeded out a few to donate and a few to store for "next time". I'm so ready for the new year and getting this place in order to sell this spring! And all because we got plenty of Christmas.

Handsome boys! Felix insisted on wearing his tie.

Christmas Eve with my boy.

In their coordinating Christmas jammies. My dad called them Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Bike from Santa! Felix grabbed the bike handles, threw one leg over and started walking. He made it about 2 feet.

Updated to add: Felix's new words this month are tree, snow, bike, boots, bite and mine. He also started shaking his head for yes, gives smacky kisses, and pats the spot next to him when he wants someone or a pet to sit next to him.