Mommy's Turn to Throw a Fit

We had a great weekend that was the perfect mix of lazy mornings, yard work, and afternoon/evening plans with friends. The boys were gems at tonight's BBQ, and one person even said I looked "Way too put together to be a mom of two."

The only problem with weekends like these is that we end up grocery shopping on Sunday evening. So tonight after 7:00 we stopped at a Walmart on our way home. Remy was sleeping so I put Felix in the cart too and grabbed our groceries as fast as possible.

I needed one last item from the garden center - 6' garden stakes that are out of stock everywhere else - so I made my way to the far corner of the store. No employees in sight, so I walked up and down each aisle as fast as I could because Remy had started squirming and I feared he'd be hungry. I went out the side door and allll the way to the far corner of the mostly-abandoned garden center where I finally found the stakes. Success, even though they weren't priced. But Remy was fully awake and definitely hungry at this point.

I made a beeline to the registers. Of 36 (or whatever), only 3 were open. One line was 3 carts deep and at a standstill and the woman just shook her head "no" when she saw me coming. The others had at least 4 carts each with what looked like months' worth of groceries in every one.

I headed to the self-checkout where 6 of the 8 kiosks were in use and the other 2 were out of order, even though I know I can't buy clearance items in the self serve and the stakes may have been on clearance. Remy was fully crying at this point, and Felix was trying to help me hold on to 6, six-foot stakes that couldn't really be put anywhere while rocking Remy's car seat. (Such a good helper!)

It was finally my turn so I started scanning my items. The machine instantly got stuck in a cycle of "PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA. UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA." Remy was wailing at this point. Eventually an employee came over and got the machine going without weighing the stakes. But then "green pepper" wasn't coming up under the letter G, and Gala apples were only under the letter G, and the sweet potatoes wouldn't ring up. There was only one set of bags, so I couldn't easily keep the dish soap away from the bread. Remy was screaming, the machine wasn't working and the line behind me was getting longer and longer.

The employee came back to help. I complained about the lack of open registers and told him if I wanted to scan this many groceries, I'd still work there. He mumbled something about telling the manager and keyed in the sweet potato code.

So I scanned some more items, the machine malfunctioned again, and the manager showed up. "Are you okay?" he asks. "No, I'm not okay! I shouldn't be ringing up a week's worth of groceries myself just because you don't have enough registers open! This kiosk is tiny and it keeps malfunctioning!" (More exasperation than yelling.) At that point it was time to pay and the manager walked away. I didn't have it in me to critique his customer service skills so I just encouraged Felix to keep rocking Remy and we got the heck out of there, our 6' stakes jutting out like pokey swords at anyone who got too close.

As I walked by the manager on my way out, he stopped me. He sincerely apologized for my shopping experience, said they will try to do better, and handed me a gift card. I definitely was not expecting that!

Then Remy stopped crying just long enough for Felix to go on a Lowly Worm ride, his reward for being such a patient helper while shopping.  

To the lovely woman who said I looked too put together to be a mom of two: Really, you are too generous.

Almost 8 Weeks

So here we are, the last day of my maternity leave, I can't believe I haven't blogged in almost 8 weeks! Okay, I can believe it. My ancient MacBook no longer works unless it's plugged in, and after putting in my work from home hours every day, the last thing I want to do is spend more time at the kitchen counter.

Anyway, it's been a great couple of months! Remy is easygoing and sleeps way more than Felix did at this age. When Remy was 4 days old, family started arriving from MN for my parents' 40th wedding anniversary celebration. It was great being able to introduce him to extended family and host brunch at our house one morning.

We've also been to two class reunions, camping, saw fireworks in the park on the 4th, and took road trips to Eastern Idaho (where we had our first hotel stay) and Oregon. I kept up on the yard work and got some painting done. We rescued, socialized and rehomed a stray kitten. And of course, I've spent countless hours snuggling with Remy on the couch while memorizing the daytime TV schedule.

Felix has continued going to daycare most days, and I'm glad I decided to do that. Every morning starts out okay, but by 10 AM he is harassing the dog, throwing his toys, smearing banana peel on my arm, hitting my computer keys, etc. He gets bored, and bored = naughty. Like most toddlers, he has learned that the best time to get away with murder is when I've just sat down with Remy and a bottle.

That said, Felix does love Remy and frequently asks to hold him and help feed him. When he fusses, Felix runs to him to "rock him little bit" to see if that helps.

Remy is meeting all his milestones and growing fast. He's up to 23" and 12.5 pounds. We have donor breast milk from a few women and he definitely has his favorite, but does well on all of it and his formula at night. We've had two post-placement visits and need just one more before we are ready to request finalization! Hopefully we will be able to do that on National Adoption Day again.

I think I'll be okay going back to work on Monday. I'm staying focused on the new clinics we're opening (which is always fun from a marketing standpoint), and the fast-approaching fall and winter season. August/September means Tour de Fat, the hot air balloon festival, movies in the park, birthdays, and then before I know it, it'll be time to visit the pumpkin patch and think of baby Halloween costumes, matching Thanksgiving outfits, etc. Time sure is flying.

He's Here!

Remy James was born at 5:13 on 6/14, weighing 8 lbs, 14.8 ounces, and measuring 21.5" long. We came home one day later and everyone is doing great!

Birth Story:
On Saturday, the agency rep called to tell me the birth mom (M) would be induced on Sunday morning, and she asked if I'd like to be in the delivery room. Wow! Yes, I said, what an honor. I had just a few hours to pack my bags and try to get some sleep. My dad picked up Felix at 6:40 AM the next morning and I headed to the hospital just a few minutes away. This match had been a real roller coaster full of stress and unknowns, and it was hard to be excited because I wasn't sure how it would all play out.

I met M for the first time in the waiting area. She was wearing pajamas and drinking hot chocolate. I stood up and shook her hand, then immediately wondered if I should have gone in for a hug instead. I felt bad that I hadn't brought her Starbucks like I was drinking, but I had wrongly assumed she wouldn't be allowed to eat or drink before being induced.

Also in the waiting area was the agency rep, birth grandma (G) and teenage son (S). I had met G and S prior to delivery day and it was good to see them again. We all felt like we really hit it off after our first meeting a couple of weeks prior.

They took M back to a labor and delivery room and started the pitocin. She invited us all in, so there the four of us sat, talking and playing games on our phones over the next 8 hours while they slowly increased her meds and checked her progress. We shared childhood stories, talked about favorite baby names, and oohed over a few outfits G picked out for the baby.

At one point, G and I compared stories and I quickly learned that the match had been stressful for them, too, due to poor communication on the part of the agency. They wondered if I really wanted the baby! I felt horrible. The whole time, I had hoped they were receiving better treatment than I was. After all, they were the expecting family and I was "just" a waiting parent.

S was so funny. He really wanted to be there, but plugged his ears and hid under a blanket any time a doctor or nurse came in. He didn't want to see or hear anything related to his mother's nether regions. The nurse commented it was probably great birth control for him.

Around 4 PM, contractions started to really pick up and M's water broke. This was the most uncomfortable time for me. M was obviously in more pain with each contraction (waiting for an epidural), and there was nothing we could do for her. There was some meconium in the water, so they told us NICU would be in the room during delivery.

At this point, S decided he will definitely adopt one day, because he would rather just "pick from a list of cute babies" than put his wife through child birth.

Finally the epidural was in place and it was go time! The room filled with doctors and nurses buzzing around. After being steady all day, the baby's heart rate started dropping with each push. And I started to realize how easy it would be to faint watching the birth of a child. I had to stay seated just to keep my composure, with cold, sweaty palms and jitters all over.

Baby was so close to being out, the doctor decided to "go for it" rather than easing into pushing or doing an emergency c-section. So in a couple more pushes, out he came. His head looked abnormally small and he was totally discolored (the cord had been around his neck once), so I was worried. I followed the nurses over to the warming area where they were all exclaiming what a big baby he was! Yep, I had just forgotten what they look like as newborns. His apgars were great and he was wailing within a minute or so. They were able to suction him before he cried, so there were no more worries about the meconium.

We had planned ahead of time that baby would do skin-to-skin with M first, then me. It was an amazing experience. He started out very alert, lifting his head to look around, and ended up resting peacefully. I gave him his first bottle a little while later, and everyone took turns holding him.

I'll have to write about day 2 in another post...

Felix meeting Remy for the first time.

Remy at 2 days old.

Vacation, House, Baby, Birthday

I’m way behind on blogging, so I hope this will do to get everyone caught up!

 

Vacation

Our trip to WI and MN was a blast. All six flights were on time, Felix did great, and we had lots of quality time visiting with grandparents. Felix was such a doll, calling out “Good night, Great Grandma” and then, “Good morning, Great Grandma” every morning. He helped me make meals, enjoyed picking through toys left at their houses, and discovered a love for the ‘tar. (guitar) When we got home, I had a photo book made for the Wisconsin grandma, and need to make one for the Minnesota grandparents as well.

 

5 AM flight out of Boise.

House

A few days after the trip, we moved into our new house. Everything went smoothly with that, as well. My mom came over to help pack and Felix was entertained by the moving company and their big truck. He’d follow the guys around asking repeatedly, “Guy, whatchyou doing?” And the guys would patiently answer almost every time, “I’m moving this box,” or “I’m unloading this box.”

 

Felix pushed around his little Ikea cart pretending it was a dolly, and even got to help load and unload a bit. It was so good for him to see the process and see my bed, his toys, etc. get loaded onto the truck. We followed it a couple of miles down the road to the new house and promptly unloaded. Felix still talks today about “Guys bring truck, take stuff new house!”

 

My brother spent hours cleaning up our willow tree, and it looks gorgeous now.

 

The most amazing rhubarb pie, made from a rhubarb plant in our new yard.

I hired my former roommate to clean the townhouse after we moved out, and I promptly posted For Rent ads on Craigslist and Zillow (which auto-posts to many partner sites, all free.) My email and phone went crazy with responses, and less than a week after we moved out, I had rented the place on a 12-month lease, rent and deposit in hand. It was such a relief to have that taken care of so quickly.

 

Today Felix still calls the house “ours new house” and he always asks if we’re going to “ours new house” after daycare or after running errands. He also asks about the townhouse on occasion. “Mom, no go townhouse?”

 

Baby

Two and a half weeks after we moved, I got a call from the adoption agency asking if they could show my profile that day. What?! Yes! But I hadn’t paid to be on their waiting list of parents, so I had to run home, grab a copy of my profile book which I’d saved for myself just in case, and rush it over the agency within the hour. I had to postpone a meeting with my boss and the president of the company to do so, but thankfully I’m in a very supportive environment and that wasn’t a problem.

 

The next afternoon, the agency called again to let me know I’d been selected! Ahh, no way! The baby boy is due on June 6^th right here in Boise. I’ll have separate blog posts with more exciting details about that day, how we announced it to family, and the general roller coaster ride this match has been so far.

 

They really should make soothing toddler swings.

 

Birthday

Felix’s third birthday came one week after being matched. The night before, I built a swing set for him in the back yard in order to surprise him in the morning. We he woke up I tried singing Happy Birthday, but he cried “Nooo!” and swatted at me. So I told him there was a surprise in the back yard – would he like to see it? He jumped out of bed and shuffled to the back door. I let him outside, he looked at the swing set and said, “Where’s surprise, mommy?” Sigh. The best laid plans…

 

He helped me attach the slide and teeter totter, then we had breakfast and headed to the zoo. I took him to daycare at naptime so I could get some work done in the afternoon. That night, I stopped by the store for a cupcake so I could light some candles and sing to him. It absolutely made his day! I might open with that next year and save myself the trouble of assembling a new toy. 

 

Happy 3rd birthday!

On Saturday we finally got to have a big back yard party. It threatened to rain but never did, so the kids had fun playing in the tent, boat (cardboard box) and on the swing set. We had light snacks and a pretty awesome-looking campfire cake with ice cream. Felix smiled and sang along with everyone. Unfortunately my round cake pans disappeared during the move and this big cake ended up pretty dry, but whatever. The kids all dug in for candy fire as soon as Felix blew the candles out. 

 

The next afternoon, we counted Felix’s birthday money and bought his first acoustic guitar. He carries it around carefully and is learning to pluck one string at a time to tune it. He also loves to make up songs about whatever strikes him. Most recently, it was “Mommy, come heeeeeeere, mommy, come heeeeeeeere…” I found a local rock school that starts guitar group lessons as young as three, so I’ll have to consider that for this fall.

 

Our Last Night

It's our last night in this house, and I find myself surprisingly unemotional about the move tomorrow. I spent the evening taking down art and packing, and thinking about why that may be.

And I think I have it figured out. When I bought this place 6 1/2 years ago, I didn't love it. It wasn't even what you might call a dream starter home. I just knew I wanted to stop paying rent, and this was in my budget, set up well to have a roommate, and would make a good rental later.

I don't have strong associations with bringing baby Felix home to this house because we spent almost the first three weeks of his life in Oregon. I'll be more emotional when my friends leave their house, I'm sure.

Add to that the fact that I've been mentally ready to move since a year ago, and it makes the whole thing pretty easy. I've decided to rent it out, so maybe that helps, not handing over the keys and saying goodbye.

It's funny how big and empty it felt when I first moved in. Now we're bursting at the seams with noise and laughter and silliness. Not a bad reason to move on. :)

Out of Room

In my brain, that is. I feel like I only have the capacity to focus on one big thing at a time, and anything competing for attention sort of waits in the wings hounding me until I plan it out. It's exhausting.

On deck for the next few weeks: groundbreaking event, closing on the house (hopefully), leaving town for 8 days, moving, getting my townhouse back on the market. Add a Saturday Easter Egg Hunt train ride in there, and Easter itself.

I have a full-time house sitter coming while we're gone, so I can't leave the place a mess even though we have a 5:45 AM flight. The old building on our groundbreaking lot JUST came down this week, so until Thursday I thought I might have to change everything (catering, the Mayor's invite, etc.) And I just hired someone in my department who starts the day before I leave, so I need to plan his schedule before I go. I also need to arrange for the carpet people to get in and take measurements so the carpet can be replaced in the new house while we're out of town, assuming we close on time. Part of what's eating me is that I can't do much right now. Every thing needs to happen on its own timeline.

Last week I dreamed that I forgot to invite Felix's friends to his birthday party (I'll start planning that after we move) and also that I quit my job! I was freaking out in my dream, trying to remember why I had put in my two weeks' notice and trying to find my boss to tell her I wanted to stay. I definitely feel like I'm going to miss some big detail eventually.

On top of all this, I feel like I should be doing something in terms of adoption networking, but that has been slow going. A match before we move would mean financial chaos, so I haven't been pushing too hard just in case (any match so soon would be a miracle, but you never know...) This week I finally took pictures of my profile book and cropped them all the same size (on a computer so slow, it shows a progress bar for cropping) so they can go into a PDF in case my book ever needs to be shared electronically. I wish Shutter.fly offered hi-res digital versions of projects.

Last night I took Felix to his first movie in a theater. He did great, and talked to the girl next to us as though they were longtime friends. When he heard other kids saying bye to each other when the movie was over, he thought it meant he should also say bye to everyone, so he did. It was pretty cute.

Previews - it took him a few minutes to get used to the giant screen.

What's New?

I think most people stay up to date via Facebook or online groups, but in case you haven't heard, I recently finished my home study to adopt #2! The process went more quickly this time because the agency had a bunch of my info on hand, and I also received a big discount for being a returning family.

I will be using my attorney and networking on my own again. If I'm not matched within a year, I plan to become more aggressive in my search, possibly using a national agency. As the stigma associated with single motherhood continues to dissipate, adoption rates drop. My attorney said, "The matches are out there. You just have to work for them." I'm paying for an online profile at www.adoptimist.com/chryssa and I also have an 800 number this time around.

He is so proud of our profile book.

And because I think major life changes should come in pairs, we finally had an offer accepted on a house yesterday! It was the fourth house I made an offer on this year. The first two received 4 and 6 offers respectively and I was outbid, and the third house was owned by a military family who couldn't move until May. I didn't want to wait that long so they rejected my offer. On the fourth house, I decided to include a personal letter along with a photo of myself to help my case. (After putting together a whole profile book, the letter was a cinch.) The deadline was Friday at noon and the agent reported they had 4 offers total and would decide by 5 PM. Well, my agent's phone rang at 12:05 and they said the seller loved my letter and was accepting my offer as written. Woo hoo! I am super excited because this house has everything I was looking for. I'm making no concessions and probably won't need to do anything before we move in. I'm a little gun shy after last year, but trying to stay optimistic that the inspection and closing phases will go smoothly.

Come on baby, no whammies!

And because I think the best time to move is right after a vacation, that's the plan so far. In December I had to pick some dates and buy tickets for Felix and I to visit the grandparents. We will take 6 flights in 8 days and stop in a total of 4 cities/towns. I've been putting together a light schedule of activities for Felix and the grandparents to enjoy together - library story time, indoor swimming, etc. So he can stay busy without them having to walk a lot. Felix is VERY excited about going on an airplane and asks daily to ride on one. When I tell him "later, next month", he hangs his head a little and says, "Okaaaaay."

Felix with one of his Great Grandmas on the right at 5 months - this is one spread in our book.

Overall I'm feeling so fortunate right now with all our hopeful news, and supportive friends and family who are genuinely excited for us.