Liquid Gold

This post may not be for the squeamish or those who don’t have kids yet.

Something that has kind of bugged me about adopting is figuring out the right formula for a baby. Friends who’ve had to use formula seem to have all kinds of horror stories about fussy, gassy babies who puke all the time and have to go through a dozen formula types before they find something that works. 

There’s no denying that breast milk is best, but how do adoptive moms make that happen? Apparently there are a variety of supplements that need to be taken, including encapsulated placenta, to make a non-pregnant woman lactate. But those supplements have side effects, and the adoptive mom would also need to hook herself up to a breast pump for an hour a day for a couple of months to get it all flowing. Despite all that work, nearly all breastfeeding adoptive moms still have to supplement with formula because they don’t produce enough on their own.

I’m pretty sure placenta doesn’t fit into my vegetarian diet. And with the adoption timeline being so unpredictable, I’m not about to hook myself up to a machine today if I still have a year to go before being placed with a baby. 

That brings us to one more option: donor milk. I wasn’t familiar with the industry until recently, but I’ve learned a lot over the past couple of weeks. Some states have milk banks, which require a prescription from a doctor. The Rx is pretty easy to get, but the cost is around $3 per ounce (babies need about 5,000 ounces in their first 6 months = $15,000!) And the breast milk is pasteurized, so it’s pretty much nutritionally equivalent to formula. 

Either way, the closest milk bank is in Denver and shipping would cost another fortune. So I’ve decided to stay local in my search for donor milk. Very local, in fact. I happen to have a close relative who just had a baby, and in a couple of months she is willing to start pumping some extra for me to freeze until the time comes. Breast milk lasts 6 – 12 months in a deep freeze, so I will be claiming a shelf in my parents’ freezer and hoping the timing works out. 

I’ve also connected with a local group called Human Milk for Human Babies, so I can hopefully connect with one or two other mothers in the area who may be producing extra – many parents who go this route have two or three moms who regularly donate. At first I was thinking you couldn’t feed a baby breast milk from more than one mom, but obviously that doesn’t make sense. 

Once you get over the weird factor, you have to admit that our bodies are pretty amazing! I’m excited about the possibility of offering an adopted child all the benefits of breast milk. Now, like everything else, it’ll come down to networking and timing.

Yet Another Project

A few weeks ago I heard about a couple receiving donations from strangers to help pay for IVF through a website called Kickstarter. I thought it sounded too good to be true (could I really just ask for strangers to give me adoption money?) and I was sort of right.

Kickstarter focuses on creative projects with definite goals, so the IVF couple was actually asking for money to make a video documentary of their IVF journey. They raised $5,000 in less than a week. I wouldn’t be up for anything that involved cameras following me around, but I did want to submit something and see if people will pitch in to help make it happen. Fortunately I had the perfect project waiting on the back burner: a children’s book about adoption that will fill a huge gap in the market.

If my project is accepted, I’ll let everyone know. The funds I’m requesting would be used to hire an editor and illustrator (job creation!), and pay for other expenses related to publishing and promoting a book.


Update: Project accepted! I'm researching my options now so I know how much funding to request, and I'm leaning toward self-publishing so I can be in control of the size, layout and illustrations in the book. Stay tuned!

Financial Milestone

Between fundraisers, donations, gifts and my part time jobs, I have been able to pay cash for my adoption costs so far. I've also put together a nice little collection of secondhand basics: a car seat, bassinet, Pack N Play, stroller and high chair. And this week I met a major milestone - saving enough to cover the rest of a maternity leave after my vacation days run out. Woo hoo! (Unfortunately my employer doesn't offer any paid maternity leave.)

This means I can now focus on the nitty gritty costs: attorney fees, agency fees and birth mother expenses. So I want to send a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has helped, whether by donating clothes for the yard sale, drinking wine with us, giving me baby gear, buying a recipe book or connecting me with part time work. It's working!

What a Beautiful Weekend

My nephew Hayden, 7 lbs, 13 oz. and 20.5" long.

It started Friday with a party at a coworker’s house, where we exchanged silly gifts and people raved about the peanut butter pretzel balls I made. I went home and slept for about an hour before getting a text that Yazmin was in the hospital, so I headed downtown around 1:30 am and met my new nephew two short hours later! Back home to sleep till noon, then whipped up some candied walnuts for Yazmin, a chocolate eggnog pie for the family and some chocolate-dipped pretzel sticks for another party. (My arm was actually sore the next day from all that mixing and whipping cream.)

Then the war in Iraq officially ended. Thanks Obama!

On Sunday I did some freelance work and Yazmin and family stopped by my parents’ house with the baby. I got to see my dog Jayda around a baby for the first time ever. I let her sniff all over his rump, his car seat and his stuff. She jumped up a couple of times when he was our arms, but my soft boot sent the message that wasn’t okay. Later when he cried, she perked up her ears and cocked her head and stared at him intently. It was pretty cute.

After that, I finished most of my Christmas shopping and went to an hors d’ouevres potluck and sing-along party. The host is a good friend of mine who happens to be an attorney, so needless to say it was a fantastic place to hand out my adoption networking cards. There were probably 100 people there, many of them in the legal profession.

The funny thing about adopting is that I go back and forth between thinking “No one is ever going to pick me!” and “Holy cow, I need an adoption loan soon!” depending on how encouraging the day has been. Yesterday was a holy cow day.

I’m looking forward to a short work week, then tackling the moment’s most pressing question: Where to spend New Year’s Eve?

Moving Right Along

Mr. and Mrs. Claus stopped by for cookies.

What a great week (and it’s only Tuesday!) The Sunday market went amazingly well. I sold lots of recipe books, handed out dozens of networking cards and heard many great adoption stories from all different types of people. Santa told me I was on the nice list for adopting.

I also got lucky and found another freelance gig, thanks to a random turn of events in my brother’s office. The company has provided me with the programs I need to do the work, and I didn’t even have to buy the $129 Macbook upgrade I thought I’d need. To top it off, I sold an old iPod on eBay for big bucks, even though the battery doesn’t work. The Apple gods are smiling on me!

Now I’m gearing up for the 6 parties I’ve been invited to between now and Christmas. I feel very loved and I’m looking forward to trying a couple of new recipes. Chocolate eggnog pie, anyone?

We’re still anxiously awaiting the arrival of my nephew. He’s due in one week and I have personally asked him to be born on the 15th or 19th. That just works best with my schedule. :)

Agency Response to Home Study Issue

I shouldn't be surprised that the agency has denied my first request for a partial refund. The executive director's official response said that the information they provided me was "not in any way misleading" and "it is in no way our responsibility to keep up with policy changes of other adoption agencies". 

Naturally I disagree. It's bad enough to make assumptions about something; using those assumptions as selling points for the agency shouldn't be allowed by any program director. 

Keep in mind there are only 2 agencies in the entire state of Idaho (not counting LDS services). Keeping up on the other agency's policies would have required one simple phone call. And, the resolution I'm proposing is very reasonable as it would split the cost of the error between the agency and myself. 

I need to do some research and take some time to decide what my next steps will be...next week. I'm not going to let it ruin my weekend. :)

Busy Time of Year!

Nothing much to report on the adoption front. I've made some finishing touches to this version of my parent profile and the attorney has signed off, so that's good. I'm also waiting to hear back from an agency in New Orleans that may be able to network for me. So far there are no catches, no crazy fees and no problems - they can even accept my home study. They've come highly recommended by a couple of local adoptive families.

This weekend is Natalya's birthday party, a downtown event Saturday night and I'm watching a friend's daughter pretty much all day Saturday. Sunday is the holiday market, so I'll spend most of the day setting up, selling, then tearing down my recipe book booth. Work has been crazy as we rush to meet big January 1st deadlines, and we're also moving to new offices next week. I'm out of the office for a seminar Friday, and to keep life interesting, my sister-in-law is due pretty much any day now with my nephew!

One thing that's really nice about being more "mature" is the number of real holiday parties I'm invited to this time of year. Instead of BYOB and showing up whenever, people are actually organizing, planning and hosting nice get-togethers. I've already been to one, hosted one, and have 4 more on my calendar. Naturally this means I've been baking every spare minute!

January is going to feel like a real snoozer after this month. Good thing, because I might need it to recover.