Party Over Here

Yesterday our adoption group was supposed to have a big party, so I invited Natalya to come with us and then stay for a sleepover. I thought it would be neat for her to meet other mixed-race families built through adoption. Unfortunately the party was cancelled, but we still had a great time with our sleepover.

Putting on a show!

We played video games and rode a carousel at a place down the street, had a picnic in the living room, watched Hotel Translyvania, painted each others' fingernails, watched videos of her as a baby and little girl, and told ghost stories in bed with flashlights under our chins. Felix was pretty excited to have a guest and seemed to recognize her presence was unusual. He loves saying "hi" lately - sounds like "EYE!" - and he said it to her many times throughout the evening.

You'd think a 6 year-old girl with a baby brother would be over baby boys, but she went on and on about Felix. "When he looks at me and smiles, it just makes me want to give him a little kiss and a little hug." And then she'd give him a kiss and a hug, and he'd smile even bigger.

Rise and shine at 7:30am...

She also didn't disappoint when it came to classic kid questions:

How did you get Felix without a dad?
(A quick explanation that birth mom and birth dad couldn't take care of him satisfied her.)

What's wrong with that curl in your hair?
(Thanks for noticing.)

Why don't you go to church?
(I said something about different beliefs, then she said "I don't think we should talk about this" and changed the subject.)

But how do they KNOW they're having a girl?
(I explained the ultrasound process again, using a tube of lotion for the wand and lifting up my shirt for visual aid this time. "It takes a picture through her belly?!?!")

And finally, this morning while I was making small, medium and large pancakes for the three of us, she said, "When I'm grown up and by myself, and I have a baby, I'm going to make him tiny pancakes, just like you do for Felix."

Sleep, Taxes and Babysitters

I should’ve learned from my fellow mommy bloggers that raving about sleep is the best way to jinx it. Felix’s once-a-night waking was short-lived, and he was back to waking 3x a night within a month. Monday morning he woke throwing a fit at 5:30 and I knew it was time to starting putting him in his own room. It’s been a rough, inconsistent week, but he slept through the night twice.  

I’m glad I waited until I was ready to move him into his own room, instead of forcing myself to do it earlier and feeling awful the whole time. I’ll admit the first couple of nights were pretty lonely not having his bottles on my nightstand and not hearing his little snores. But the cats were allowed back in my room and they helped keep me company.

Monica checking out Felix's new sleeping digs.

Switching gears - I received notice from the State of Idaho yesterday that my tax return was processed (no review or audit, yes!) but they won’t give me my full refund without a SSN for Felix. Without that number, I don’t qualify for all the dependent-related credits, including the adoption credit. I wasn’t able to find a local tax preparer who had experience with adoption, but the TaxACT software and the adoption agency told me I could file without a SSN, so that’s frustrating. I can’t get a SSN without his birth certificate, which was requested from Oregon more than 3 months ago. 

And finally, I always thought parents who canceled plans because they “couldn’t find a babysitter” were just using it as an excuse to bail. But it turns out, sitters are really flaky! I posted an ad on Craigslist and asked friends for references, one of whom posted an ad on Care.com on my behalf, to help me find a sitter. I got lots of responses but none of them turned into people I could actually call to babysit. Most just stopped responding to my emails and one even was a no-show when we were supposed to meet one night after work. If they were all backing out after meeting me, I’d take it personally. But most don’t even respond when I ask how much they charge and whether they’d like to meet us.

Who doesn't want to babysit this little angel?

Doors

This isn't a metaphorical post about opportunity knocking. It's about Felix's latest obsession. Closet doors, bedroom doors, front doors, back doors, cupboard doors, dog kennel doors and doors on entertainment centers. He just can't get enough of the open-close-open-close business. If it makes a sound or clangs when it closes, like the dog kennel, even better!

He mastered the little pop-up toys a few weeks ago, and I figure that once he's 100% sure that every other door works the same way, he'll lose interest and move onto something else. But for now, it's pretty funny watching him make a beeline for the nearest door to try it out.

Making sure that giant Mexican restaurant doors work like other doors.

My Boy is Advanced

Felix entered the screaming-to-communicate phase a whole two weeks early. Yes, I am one proud mama. It’s a special sort of grating scream that says, “Hey, I don’t want to be in my car seat.” Or “Hey, my bottle ran out and I could use a couple more ounces.”

I was baffled by the sudden onset of the screaming, so I Googled and learned it’s totally normal around 9 months old, and also a great time to really start signing. I’ve been signing “milk” and “eat” for a while, and recently added “up” and “more”.

Also, the trick with the screaming is to reward the communication without rewarding the scream itself. Uh, okay. My best guess is to respond quietly while using a sign and addressing his need. The car seat is challenging since it’s not optional, but I’ve been giving him unique toys like a coat hanger or my comb to keep him entertained. 

Mmm, hanger.

I also started thinking he might be a late walker, since he is such a good army crawler with little interest in getting up on all fours. Then suddenly over the weekend he got up on all fours to try and crawl, and he started going from sitting to knees (instead of face-planting into the carpet). He also started pulling up onto his knees in his bassinet, so we could very well be on our way to walking by 1 year. Crazy how fast they change! It really doesn’t make a difference to me, but I hope to have his birthday party in the park and would be fun if he could toddle around the playground.

In the past week, Felix has also:

• Tasted a nickel, a penny, cat food and dog food
• Started saying “ma-ma” with as much meaning as “da-da” and “dit-dit”
• Army-crawling into the kitchen to watch me make dinner
• Giving kisses by slowly leaning into my face with a slobbery open mouth (love it!)

It’s a girl!

Whaddya mean "it's pink"?!

Last weekend started out great with an impromptu invite for wine and snacks with my brother and sister-in-law Friday night. The sneaky pair had gone to their gender scan appointment earlier in the day, unbeknownst to us, and had a little party to reveal the gender. My niece got to pop a balloon full of confetti, and static electricity helped make it quite a show! Tiny bits of pink tissue paper shot all over the place and fluttered down on the dog and baby boys (who we forgot to shelter from the big noise. Oops!)

On Saturday morning I sorted 8 months’ worth of baby clothes. I pulled out the super boyish stuff and put it into 3 piles: sell at the consignment sale, keep for later, and donate. Surprisingly, I ended up with quite a big box for the new baby, including some cute onesies that made people think Felix was a girl. Later that day I scored a brand new Boppy for them for $3. I’m pretty sure the folks at Goodwill had no idea what it was.

Almost the day Felix was born, people started asking if I think I’ll adopt again. I hadn’t even thought about it. I suppose I will – why not? And that begs the gender question. I’ve gone back and forth on whether I’d request a girl or not. It would exclude me from applying for any grants and would even disqualify me from working with some agencies. Not to mention the wait time would almost certainly be years, since fewer girls are placed than boys and I already have a kid. You don’t get to choose gender during pregnancy, so is it fair for me to decide whether Felix gets a brother or a sister? And not to flatter myself, but what if a birth mom expecting a boy is looking for someone just like me? It would be sad if she never knew I existed.

This is far down the road because I have some other goals before then. The big one (aside from getting my adoption credit refund without an audit) is to prepare my home for sale or rental next year. I’m not looking forward to repairing under the kitchen sink…there was a disposal leak for a while that warped all the wood, and one year we had a mouse living under that warped wood. My skin crawls thinking about what’s under there! I would be more than happy to work overtime and pay top dollar for someone else to do that. 

Anyway, back to last weekend. Felix got his first real haircut and later discovered cat food. He shoves kibbles in his mouth two handfuls at a time if I don't watch him like a hawk!

Before haircut.

After - he was getting sleepy.

 

He army crawls straight to the dish every time I feed the cats.

Champion Eater, Marathon Sleeper

Felix stopped getting excited about formula around 5 1/2 months old and wasn't eating enough during the day, so I started him on solids a smidge early. The first few feedings, it was hilarious watching him try to nurse the food off the spoon.

Eventually he got the hang of it and I added fast-dissolving rice crackers and puffs to his diet. The look on his face was priceless! Any time we try a new food or texture, in fact, he makes the funniest most horrified faces before going in for another bite.

Where the heck...? (Cracker stuck to side of chair.)

Quite a few moms in my online group complain that their babies won't eat anything and "hate" baby food, but I wonder how many times they've tried? I've noticed with lots of flavors, Felix will tolerate it the first time and love it by the second or third time.

His menu has expanded greatly over the past few months, and that's a big relief considering I plan on feeding him a vegetarian diet. He gets fruit at daycare and a veggie at night, and he even likes the classically "icky" foods like spinach and lentils. He'd chug mango, squash and green beans if you let him.

Tonight we tried a little hard boiled egg for the first time, and Felix didn't disappoint. Every bite was sheer repulsion, but he kept eating.

So awful, yet so delicious.

I'm also happy to report his sleeping has improved greatly since I started the half-water/half-formula trick. About 50% of the time he still wakes at night, but I hand him a 3 oz. mostly-water bottle in the dark and he goes back to sleep. He's even been sleeping in till 9:30 or 10 on the weekends. Perhaps helping is the fact that I realized he may have been waking up cold (Mother of the Year, I am) and started putting him in a fleece sleep sack instead of cotton footie pajamas.

And the last bit of news is that Felix is 20 lbs. and his feet hang over the edge of his baby car seat, so I ordered a larger convertible seat that should arrive next week. Little Hoots will go to little cousin this summer!

Do I look like an infant to you?

Fun with Real Estate

When I bought my townhouse in 2008, I had just been laid off, Bush had just authorized the first bailout and we all figured it was "the bottom." I got a good deal on a short sale in a central location. It was my goal to live here 5 years before moving on and keeping this as a rental property.

Despite having an ugly garage in front, it's a cute little place inside with plenty of room for us right now. I could really use a third bedroom, front yard and fenced back yard for the dog, though. And I'm tired of paying $105 HOA fees and $45 mortgage insurance each month.

Needless to say, fall of 2008 wasn't the bottom and my home has lost value since then (less than $10k, thankfully). But the five-year mark is fast approaching and I find myself brainstorming exit strategies.

So here are my options for moving on. Anyone with experience in this area is welcome to chime in!

1. Try to sell this year, making up any difference with savings or a personal loan. Or, pay extra each month and sell in a year to break even. Down payment for my next place would have to come from savings.

2. Move into a rental and rent this place to someone else for two years. This would allow me to build rental history, which would be required before I could be approved for another mortgage. This way I could keep the place as a rental, but the drawbacks are obvious: moving twice in 2 years, dealing with renters, finding an affordable, nice place that allows pets without outrageous deposits.

3. Wait until I make enough money to qualify for 2 mortgages. This would take a while and would require a decent amount of freelance work and substantial savings.

4. Wait until the market improves enough that I could sell my place and come out ahead. Hopefully interest rates would still be reasonable enough that I'd be able to move into something bigger. 

"Home Sweet Home" page from my parent profile.

None of these options is screaming "pick me, pick me!", but I still need a plan. And I'm sort of stubborn against the idea of selling unless it's the only way out. The whole reason I settled for a townhouse in '08 was because it would make a great investment property later.