Who Goes There?

Tiny Felix in the middle.

Before I left for Oregon, a fellow adoptive mom warned me that the hospital could be a very emotionally draining experience. Her insight really prepared me and made the last 3 days bearable.

Initially, the birth mom said she just wanted photos and wasn't interested in holding the baby after he was born. But that all changed quickly. She asked to meet both of us as soon as they were out of recovery, and decided she'd like to basically share custody of him while we were in the hospital.

This was difficult for me, but I couldn't deny the sweet baby cuddle time with his birth mama. No one would benefit from that. If she was going to change her mind (she kept promising she wouldn't), she'd change it regardless of whether they had 2 visits or 10.

So, in the blink of an eye, the hospital did turn into a very emotionally draining experience. The worst part was all the people coming and going from our room at all hours. Every time there was a quick knock and the door started to open, I wondered who it was. Someone coming to check vitals? The cleaning lady? Food delivery? The case worker? The agency coordinator with good news/bad news/no news? The financial coordinator? The pediatrician? A nurse taking the baby to see birth mom? A nurse bringing him back? I always knew when they were bringing him back because there would be a knock, the door would open slowly and no one would come in...but the heavy wooden baby basket would start to appear seconds later. Exhale.

This afternoon we were discharged from the hospital as planned, after Felix had a quick final goodbye with his birth mom. I wasn't part of that exchange, and selfishly I was relieved she didn't ask to see me. I hate goodbyes - they make me physically ill - and I'm sure that emotions and lack of sleep would have rendered me a sobbing, worthless mess.

This evening we made it to Baker City with my parents, and my friend and her two daughters literally came running out of the house to hug me and see Felix. The 5 of them cuddled him and fed him and changed his diapers all night, and I got a home-cooked meal, some merlot and a long shower.

On to day 4.