Tough Decisions I Never Had To Make

Snuggling with Sophie, his teething giraffe.

We’re coming up on the one year anniversary of my home study being complete, and also its expiration date. I never in a million years guessed I’d be sitting here with a nearly 5-month old to mark the occasion! 

Earlier this year, I started mapping out a plan B in case I wasn’t matched with a baby before my home study expired. I would have had a lot of tough decisions to make: Should I pay $400 to have my home study renewed with the agency I don’t really like? Should I start from scratch and pay $1,600 in fees to switch to another agency? Should I reconsider foster care? I still had a roommate at the time, so that would have involved asking her to leave. And regardless of my choice, I would have had to redo my health physical, criminal and background checks, financial assessment, etc.

Depending on how much interest there had been in my profile, I was already brainstorming new Facebook ads, a possible overhaul of my parent profile and new ways to network. (That must be the marketer in me, constantly planning ahead in case one campaign is a flop.)

Thankfully, I never had to work through any of that, and I don’t need a current home study to finalize the adoption. We have just one post-placement visit left, then it's nothing but court dates and finalization - hopefully on National Adoption Day. So looking forward to it!

Typical October Weekend

The weather has finally dropped from the 80s to the 60s, so it's almost feeling like fall around here. Felix started the weekend with a hayride through a pumpkin patch with his daycare, and apparently he smiled and giggled at every little bump.

Yesterday, Felix, Jayda and I joined a team from work for See Spot Walk in the park. Hundreds of dogs and their humans participate to raise thousands for the local humane society. It's a fun event and a hilarious exercise in People Really Do Look Like Their Dogs.

Doing his best puppy dog impression.

After the walk, we headed to my parents' house for brunch and football before picking up my niece and going shopping for Halloween costume parts all afternoon. At some point I became the costume maker (and cake baker) in the family, and this year's Lava Girl order was the most challenging yet. Thankfully, Natalya is young enough that pretty much anything I come up with is "perfect", but I'm not sure how many years of wiggle room I have left. I finished late last night and can't wait to see it on her.

Felix's support group for tummy time and rolling over at brunch
on Saturday.

Today I started Felix's Big Boy costume, and I hope to put together some overalls by tracing a pair that currently fits him. He's in serious drool mode, though, so I'm not sure how long the "BIG BOY" iron-on transfer will last. I'm actually thinking about putting it on a white bib and letting that be part of the costume.

My dining room table will look something like this for a few more weeks.

And if that wasn't enough activity, we drove all around town trying to find clothes for my cousin's wedding in Minnesota next weekend. I ended up with a cute dress (under $20!) and Felix will wear a sweater vest he already has. I couldn't justify buying a dress outfit that he'll outgrow before Thanksgiving.

Speaking of growing fast, I really can't believe how fast Felix is growing. People warned me all the time "they grow so fast!", but it seems like every few weeks I remove heaps of too-small clothing from his room. And when I go through it all, I usually find diapers and clothes I totally forgot about that we have to hurry up and use/wear or miss out entirely.

On Thursday we're flying standby to Minneapolis, so wish us luck! I'm so excited to introduce Felix to extended family.

What’s in a Name?

Two and a half hours old, puffy from the c-section
with eye ointment running down his face...I knew he
was Felix the moment I took this picture.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, since so many people ask how I came up with Felix’s name.

For a few years, Oliver was my favorite boy name and I was sure I’d use it if I ever had a son. But then I realized the name was jumping 10 – 20 spots on the popularity charts every year. At that rate, I figure it’ll be in the top 10 by 2013, and I really didn’t want my son to have a common name. But I still loved it, so it never came off my short list.

When I found out I’d be adopting a Hispanic boy, (which I was told would never happen, by the way), I was pretty sure I wanted a name that paid respect to his heritage without branding him “Mexican”. Even though a large part of the US population is now at least part Hispanic, discrimination does exist and we know that sometimes, people aren’t called back for job interviews or housing based on their names. I thought it would be unfair to disadvantage my child with a name that’s only associated with Hispanics. I also wanted a name that was uncommon but easy to remember and had a predictable spelling.

Many of the classic Spanish names I love sound great in Spanish but pretty awkward in English, like Alejandro, Ariel (Ah-ree-EL) and Ernesto. Other names like Ruben and Oscar met the not-obviously-Hispanic requirement, but just don’t work with our last name.

So, that brings me to “Felix”. I have no idea where I got the name! I don’t know anyone with that name, and I wasn’t reading baby name books, so I really don’t know. I just remember standing in my parents’ kitchen, getting out my iPhone and adding it to my short list. I did some research on it later, and it turns out that at least 5 popes have been named Felix, so I knew the Hispanic requirement was covered. It also means “happy”, which I liked, and the X is pretty cool too.

When May 14^th arrived, my list was down to Oliver and Felix. I decided I’d see what the baby looked like before deciding. I knew instantly he was Felix, but waited about 24 hours for a couple of reasons. First, I wanted to make sure the adoption was going to happen, and I didn’t want birth mom to feel like I was “claiming” him within hours of birth, if that makes sense. Second, I was pretty sure no one was going to like the name, and I needed time to get totally used to it myself. I remember waking up in a fog that first night and thinking, “I can’t believe someone gave me a baby and I’m naming him Felix!”

The second day, the infant coordinator brought the baby back from a visit with birth mom and said she (birth mom) really wanted to know what his name was going to be. I told her it would probably be Felix, and she immediately started gushing about how much she loved it. And she’s not one to fake loving something. That was the little vote of confidence I needed, so I told her to tell birth mom that his name was, indeed, Felix David. (David is my dad’s middle name, and a safe alternative in case baby ended up hating his first name.) It was around that time I put him in his first non-hospital outfit and started to believe he really could be mine…

Fast forward to today, and I’m happy to say we get compliments on his name all the time. We also haven’t met another Felix, although we’ve been noticing them in pop culture, like the female contestant on Master Chef and the Austrian astronaut who’s going to skydive from space. But most importantly, I feel like the name really fits him. I couldn’t be happier with my choice, and I highly doubt he will ever choose to go by David instead.

Manic Monday

We started the week with four appointments all before noon today. First I stopped by the adoption agency to drop off some paperwork and a check for birth mom support (which I was guilted into pledging just before signing papers in the hospital so I could leave with Felix – issue for another day). Then we went to the attorney’s office to review and sign the official adoption petition, which will be used in our hearing next month.

Let me say that again – Official Adoption Petition for our Hearing Next Month!! Felix was sleeping in his car seat and the attorney’s assistant stepped out for minute, and I totally started crying as I read through it, especially the part where they declare that forever and ever and ever Baby Boy [Birth Name] shall be known as Felix David [My Name]... try reading that and keeping your eyes dry!

Then Felix woke up and had a conversation with the attorney and her assistant, who still likes to tell me about the day she learned about birth mom and felt she was a perfect match for me. She tells the story almost like she’s telling a story about getting her own positive pregnancy test – it’s pretty funny. I just love how happy and excited they (still) are for us.

Hey handsome, what's your name?

Next we headed downtown for Felix’s 4 month appointment, where he tipped the scales at 16 lbs, had his head measured twice to verify it’s really that big (78^th percentile), and got some shots. He also flirted with himself in the mirror a bit, which is one of his new favorite pastimes.

After that, we spent an hour in the park before my wellness appointment, at which they took blood to re-test me for anemia and referred me for a baseline mammogram. Eeks, I’m that old?! The doctor who saw me was the same one who did my home study physical last year, so it was great being able to show up with a baby to show off. Everyone just oohed and aahed over him and wanted to know all about how it happened.

And finally, I took Felix to daycare, stopped by the house to pick up my Hula Hotdish, and made it to work in time to participate in the Spam recipe contest and hula hooping contest, which I won. (Thanks in part to my niece who spent many hours mastering the skill this summer and begging us to do it with her.)

Bring on Tuesday.

Most Offensive Remark...Ever

Today I went in for my annual eye exam at Eyemart Express, where I used to work and where I've been a patient for 11 years. I thought I was scheduled to see my usual doctor, but for whatever reason, a different doctor called me back. Nice enough looking older guy.

We went into the exam room and Felix sat on my lap, being his typical happy self. I thought the doctor was going to start the pre-exam questions, but the conversation went something like this:

Doc: Did you work outside the home before baby?
Me, caught off-guard: Uh, yeah, I work.
Doc: Oh, what did you do?
Me: I worked, and I still work full-time, in marketing.
Doc, looking at Felix: You need to say, "Mommy, that hurts me. You should stay at home with me!"

Uh, did he just say that?!

Me, stunned: Oh he loves daycare. Everyone there just adores him.
Doc, after a pause: Well the reason I'm asking is that I need to know how many hours you spend in front of the computer each day. 

Here's an idea, smartypants: Ask me how many hours a day I spend in front of the computer.

I was so shocked by his remarks, I spent the rest of the exam wishing I could gather my perfectly well-adjusted baby and his car seat and just walk out...but I was desperate for new contact lenses and I couldn't have driven anywhere. So I just sat there and felt offended and hurt, wanting to cry and kick him at the same time.

Would I love to be independently wealthy? Yeah. But let's be honest - taking care of an infant 24/7 is exhausting. I'm glad I have a job I enjoy, and I'm glad I can afford to pay for daycare with someone qualified and licensed, who I trust fully to care for Felix 5 days of every week. When I work, I benefit from growing as a person and building my career so we can live more comfortably, and Felix learns that his needs will be met and he can find love anywhere he needs it - not just at home with mommy. And we are both be better, stronger people for it.

Obviously, I'll report this doctor to the appropriate parties. But what really saddens me is that no strongly-worded letter will get rid of the sexism that still exists, especially in conservative, low-education states like Idaho. We sure have our work cut out for us.

To my readers outside Idaho/Utah: Asking a woman if she "works outside the home" is basically Mormon code for finding out if someone is Mormon and/or a stay-at-home mom, which is, of course, the preferred lifestyle (of many) for women in Idaho. In addition, the Idaho Legislature has routinely denied stricter regulations for daycares and funding for pre-K programs because they believe children should be at home with their mothers.
.

Sexting the Network Administrator

Censored for my protection.

I started the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred yesterday, and it was a surprisingly good workout for just 20 minutes in the living room.

I noticed online that lots of her fans like to share before/after pics, so yesterday morning I put on my swim suit and stood in front of the hallway mirror for a couple of neck-down photos. (First time I've ever done anything like this, I swear.) 

For those of you who don’t know me in real life, I’m 134 lbs. and genetically pretty darn lucky. 134 is where I ended up after almost 5 months of eating “whatever” and getting only occasional cardio exercise. But I know how important muscle tone is, especially now that I’ve reached a certain age, and I could use some help in that department.

Anyway, I took two pictures with my phone and emailed them to myself. Horrifically, only 1 ended up in my inbox. Who got the other photo?!?! My mind started thinking of all the most embarrassing people it could have accidentally been sent to…including a possible auto-post to my Facebook page, since iPhone users email their photos to Facebook to post them.

I checked Facebook and it wasn’t there (thank god), so I looked at my sent messages and confirmed that I had emailed it to myself. At my old job. And no bounce-back means it probably fell into the hands of whoever monitors the general email box at an advertising agency downtown. Doh! 

Of course, it could have been worse. My face isn’t on the picture and it’s just some chick standing in a hallway in a swim suit. No one cares about that…right? 

Helpful hint: To remove unwanted contacts and prevent auto-population of the wrong email address, access your Yahoo! email account from a desktop computer and delete those unwanted contacts.

Four Months

At Art in the Park last weekend.

 To celebrate Felix’s fourth month, I thought I’d start a college 529 plan. Turns out it’s this big, complicated investment and not as easy as setting up a savings account, which I thought was the case. So I’ll have to set aside some time later this week to really dig into all the information.

It’s been really fun watching Felix’s personality develop. He’s a smart little bugger. I’ll hear a dramatic cry from the living room, go in to check on him, and he’ll have a big grin on his face while he watches me walk into the room. Little stinker! He’s also extremely ticklish, and he giggles like crazy when I change his clothes. I can tell it exhausts him after just a couple of tickles, so I try not to do it too often even though his laugh is so cute.

He’s also getting better with tummy time, and I learned to stop trying to do it in the evenings when he’s tired. In the morning he’s fresh and full of energy and does a great job lifting his head up. And he’s really mastered the whole grab-toy-put-in-mouth skill.

As I mentioned in another post, I was pretty excited to get back to the gym. The reality, however, is that their daycare closes too early and I haven’t been able to meet my meager goal of going twice per week. My favorite time to work out is after 8 PM, but I have to be at the gym by 7 in order to work with their schedule, and there just isn’t enough time after work for that. And we’re going on week 9 of horrible air quality (thanks to forest fires that won’t be fully out till it snows), so I can’t even go for a jog or bike ride outside. I’ve had lingering headaches, sinus pressure and a sore throat mostly every day since mid-July.

It tickles!!

Next idea is trying some at-home videos with Jillian Michaels. Yeah, never thought I’d be the type to Jazzercise in my living room, but it’s just about come to that!