Our Big Adventure

Felix and I had our first big adventure together last weekend, flying standby to Minnesota for my cousin’s wedding. Overall we had a great time and Felix got to experience lots of “firsts”.

Felix turned 5 months in Minneapolis.

There wasn’t room on Thursday’s flight, so we headed to the airport to try again at 4 am Friday morning. Felix looked a bit dazed on his first cab ride, but was in good spirits overall. We made the flight (woo hoo!) and got to Minneapolis around 9:30 am. First plane ride: check! We were in the last row by the bathrooms and Felix smiled at everyone waiting in line. He tried to sleep but woke up and looked around anytime the captain spoke or the seatbelt chimes rang.

Over the next few days, Felix got to meet his 3 year old cousin Harvey, his great grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and many of my cousins. Twice he rolled over on his own (for the first time) when no one was looking, and I’m still curious to know how he finally did it.

We went shopping, went out for nice meals, attended a wedding (first church service) and a wedding reception in a cave. He even got to hang out by the bar with some of the guys. 

On Sunday, everyone got together for the Vikings game and the most random assortment of potluck dishes I’ve ever seen. Everyone raved about how cute and well-behaved Felix is, and commented on his cheeks, eyes and hair. One aunt made sure I knew this is not a typical babyhood!

Watching football with Great Grandma.

Felix slept like a champ all four nights, even though we weren’t in the same place every night. This was a huge relief to me, since vacation is no fun when you’re not able to sleep well. 

Monday rolled around and things started to be a little less awesome. The previously wide-open flight home was now overbooked, and long story short, our only option was to buy a one-way ticket home through Phoenix, leaving Tuesday morning. So we did another back-and-forth to the airport early Tuesday morning and boarded without issue.

Shortly after takeoff, the pilot announced there wouldn’t be a gate ready for us in Phoenix. And what was supposed to be a 15-minute wait after landing turned out to be a 45 minute wait on a hot, stuffy plane with no updates from the captain and the flight crew MIA. Felix was crying and overall miserable the whole time.

I call this Sadness on the Tarmac.

When we finally got off the plane, our connection was already boarding. With Felix in a front carrier and my backpack, purse and stroller attached to other body parts, I ran like mad to make the flight. I was almost to gate B 12 when I heard the final boarding call…and gate change announcement to A 24, nowhere near B 12! So I started running back the way we came, flagged down a service cart and made it to the gate 90 seconds before the doors closed. (The gate agent had the nerve to scold me for being late, but I won’t get into that right now.)

Once on board, Felix took one look at his surroundings and started to melt down again. Thankfully I got him to sleep pretty quickly and the rest of the flight was okay. Back in Boise, we headed to my parents’ house so I could catch up on work, see my dog (who had chewed through her travel kennel) and watch the presidential debates.

Then Felix really went off the cliff. For whatever reason, he became entirely inconsolable. Back arched, grating screams/cries, didn’t want toys or food and wouldn’t sleep in his swing. Even taking him outside to look at trees only bought me a few minutes. So we skipped out on the debates and headed home. By the first stoplight, he had fallen asleep and he slept the rest of the night.

All in all, I’m glad we went and I’m glad so many relatives got to meet Felix. I printed lots of pictures to include in the update I’m sending his birth mom this week. I hope she is comforted by seeing how many people love him to pieces.

P.S. There's a good chance Felix's fussiness this week has also been caused by teething. We may have some pearly whites to show off soon!

Tough Decisions I Never Had To Make

Snuggling with Sophie, his teething giraffe.

We’re coming up on the one year anniversary of my home study being complete, and also its expiration date. I never in a million years guessed I’d be sitting here with a nearly 5-month old to mark the occasion! 

Earlier this year, I started mapping out a plan B in case I wasn’t matched with a baby before my home study expired. I would have had a lot of tough decisions to make: Should I pay $400 to have my home study renewed with the agency I don’t really like? Should I start from scratch and pay $1,600 in fees to switch to another agency? Should I reconsider foster care? I still had a roommate at the time, so that would have involved asking her to leave. And regardless of my choice, I would have had to redo my health physical, criminal and background checks, financial assessment, etc.

Depending on how much interest there had been in my profile, I was already brainstorming new Facebook ads, a possible overhaul of my parent profile and new ways to network. (That must be the marketer in me, constantly planning ahead in case one campaign is a flop.)

Thankfully, I never had to work through any of that, and I don’t need a current home study to finalize the adoption. We have just one post-placement visit left, then it's nothing but court dates and finalization - hopefully on National Adoption Day. So looking forward to it!

Typical October Weekend

The weather has finally dropped from the 80s to the 60s, so it's almost feeling like fall around here. Felix started the weekend with a hayride through a pumpkin patch with his daycare, and apparently he smiled and giggled at every little bump.

Yesterday, Felix, Jayda and I joined a team from work for See Spot Walk in the park. Hundreds of dogs and their humans participate to raise thousands for the local humane society. It's a fun event and a hilarious exercise in People Really Do Look Like Their Dogs.

Doing his best puppy dog impression.

After the walk, we headed to my parents' house for brunch and football before picking up my niece and going shopping for Halloween costume parts all afternoon. At some point I became the costume maker (and cake baker) in the family, and this year's Lava Girl order was the most challenging yet. Thankfully, Natalya is young enough that pretty much anything I come up with is "perfect", but I'm not sure how many years of wiggle room I have left. I finished late last night and can't wait to see it on her.

Felix's support group for tummy time and rolling over at brunch
on Saturday.

Today I started Felix's Big Boy costume, and I hope to put together some overalls by tracing a pair that currently fits him. He's in serious drool mode, though, so I'm not sure how long the "BIG BOY" iron-on transfer will last. I'm actually thinking about putting it on a white bib and letting that be part of the costume.

My dining room table will look something like this for a few more weeks.

And if that wasn't enough activity, we drove all around town trying to find clothes for my cousin's wedding in Minnesota next weekend. I ended up with a cute dress (under $20!) and Felix will wear a sweater vest he already has. I couldn't justify buying a dress outfit that he'll outgrow before Thanksgiving.

Speaking of growing fast, I really can't believe how fast Felix is growing. People warned me all the time "they grow so fast!", but it seems like every few weeks I remove heaps of too-small clothing from his room. And when I go through it all, I usually find diapers and clothes I totally forgot about that we have to hurry up and use/wear or miss out entirely.

On Thursday we're flying standby to Minneapolis, so wish us luck! I'm so excited to introduce Felix to extended family.

What’s in a Name?

Two and a half hours old, puffy from the c-section
with eye ointment running down his face...I knew he
was Felix the moment I took this picture.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, since so many people ask how I came up with Felix’s name.

For a few years, Oliver was my favorite boy name and I was sure I’d use it if I ever had a son. But then I realized the name was jumping 10 – 20 spots on the popularity charts every year. At that rate, I figure it’ll be in the top 10 by 2013, and I really didn’t want my son to have a common name. But I still loved it, so it never came off my short list.

When I found out I’d be adopting a Hispanic boy, (which I was told would never happen, by the way), I was pretty sure I wanted a name that paid respect to his heritage without branding him “Mexican”. Even though a large part of the US population is now at least part Hispanic, discrimination does exist and we know that sometimes, people aren’t called back for job interviews or housing based on their names. I thought it would be unfair to disadvantage my child with a name that’s only associated with Hispanics. I also wanted a name that was uncommon but easy to remember and had a predictable spelling.

Many of the classic Spanish names I love sound great in Spanish but pretty awkward in English, like Alejandro, Ariel (Ah-ree-EL) and Ernesto. Other names like Ruben and Oscar met the not-obviously-Hispanic requirement, but just don’t work with our last name.

So, that brings me to “Felix”. I have no idea where I got the name! I don’t know anyone with that name, and I wasn’t reading baby name books, so I really don’t know. I just remember standing in my parents’ kitchen, getting out my iPhone and adding it to my short list. I did some research on it later, and it turns out that at least 5 popes have been named Felix, so I knew the Hispanic requirement was covered. It also means “happy”, which I liked, and the X is pretty cool too.

When May 14^th arrived, my list was down to Oliver and Felix. I decided I’d see what the baby looked like before deciding. I knew instantly he was Felix, but waited about 24 hours for a couple of reasons. First, I wanted to make sure the adoption was going to happen, and I didn’t want birth mom to feel like I was “claiming” him within hours of birth, if that makes sense. Second, I was pretty sure no one was going to like the name, and I needed time to get totally used to it myself. I remember waking up in a fog that first night and thinking, “I can’t believe someone gave me a baby and I’m naming him Felix!”

The second day, the infant coordinator brought the baby back from a visit with birth mom and said she (birth mom) really wanted to know what his name was going to be. I told her it would probably be Felix, and she immediately started gushing about how much she loved it. And she’s not one to fake loving something. That was the little vote of confidence I needed, so I told her to tell birth mom that his name was, indeed, Felix David. (David is my dad’s middle name, and a safe alternative in case baby ended up hating his first name.) It was around that time I put him in his first non-hospital outfit and started to believe he really could be mine…

Fast forward to today, and I’m happy to say we get compliments on his name all the time. We also haven’t met another Felix, although we’ve been noticing them in pop culture, like the female contestant on Master Chef and the Austrian astronaut who’s going to skydive from space. But most importantly, I feel like the name really fits him. I couldn’t be happier with my choice, and I highly doubt he will ever choose to go by David instead.

Manic Monday

We started the week with four appointments all before noon today. First I stopped by the adoption agency to drop off some paperwork and a check for birth mom support (which I was guilted into pledging just before signing papers in the hospital so I could leave with Felix – issue for another day). Then we went to the attorney’s office to review and sign the official adoption petition, which will be used in our hearing next month.

Let me say that again – Official Adoption Petition for our Hearing Next Month!! Felix was sleeping in his car seat and the attorney’s assistant stepped out for minute, and I totally started crying as I read through it, especially the part where they declare that forever and ever and ever Baby Boy [Birth Name] shall be known as Felix David [My Name]... try reading that and keeping your eyes dry!

Then Felix woke up and had a conversation with the attorney and her assistant, who still likes to tell me about the day she learned about birth mom and felt she was a perfect match for me. She tells the story almost like she’s telling a story about getting her own positive pregnancy test – it’s pretty funny. I just love how happy and excited they (still) are for us.

Hey handsome, what's your name?

Next we headed downtown for Felix’s 4 month appointment, where he tipped the scales at 16 lbs, had his head measured twice to verify it’s really that big (78^th percentile), and got some shots. He also flirted with himself in the mirror a bit, which is one of his new favorite pastimes.

After that, we spent an hour in the park before my wellness appointment, at which they took blood to re-test me for anemia and referred me for a baseline mammogram. Eeks, I’m that old?! The doctor who saw me was the same one who did my home study physical last year, so it was great being able to show up with a baby to show off. Everyone just oohed and aahed over him and wanted to know all about how it happened.

And finally, I took Felix to daycare, stopped by the house to pick up my Hula Hotdish, and made it to work in time to participate in the Spam recipe contest and hula hooping contest, which I won. (Thanks in part to my niece who spent many hours mastering the skill this summer and begging us to do it with her.)

Bring on Tuesday.

Most Offensive Remark...Ever

Today I went in for my annual eye exam at Eyemart Express, where I used to work and where I've been a patient for 11 years. I thought I was scheduled to see my usual doctor, but for whatever reason, a different doctor called me back. Nice enough looking older guy.

We went into the exam room and Felix sat on my lap, being his typical happy self. I thought the doctor was going to start the pre-exam questions, but the conversation went something like this:

Doc: Did you work outside the home before baby?
Me, caught off-guard: Uh, yeah, I work.
Doc: Oh, what did you do?
Me: I worked, and I still work full-time, in marketing.
Doc, looking at Felix: You need to say, "Mommy, that hurts me. You should stay at home with me!"

Uh, did he just say that?!

Me, stunned: Oh he loves daycare. Everyone there just adores him.
Doc, after a pause: Well the reason I'm asking is that I need to know how many hours you spend in front of the computer each day. 

Here's an idea, smartypants: Ask me how many hours a day I spend in front of the computer.

I was so shocked by his remarks, I spent the rest of the exam wishing I could gather my perfectly well-adjusted baby and his car seat and just walk out...but I was desperate for new contact lenses and I couldn't have driven anywhere. So I just sat there and felt offended and hurt, wanting to cry and kick him at the same time.

Would I love to be independently wealthy? Yeah. But let's be honest - taking care of an infant 24/7 is exhausting. I'm glad I have a job I enjoy, and I'm glad I can afford to pay for daycare with someone qualified and licensed, who I trust fully to care for Felix 5 days of every week. When I work, I benefit from growing as a person and building my career so we can live more comfortably, and Felix learns that his needs will be met and he can find love anywhere he needs it - not just at home with mommy. And we are both be better, stronger people for it.

Obviously, I'll report this doctor to the appropriate parties. But what really saddens me is that no strongly-worded letter will get rid of the sexism that still exists, especially in conservative, low-education states like Idaho. We sure have our work cut out for us.

To my readers outside Idaho/Utah: Asking a woman if she "works outside the home" is basically Mormon code for finding out if someone is Mormon and/or a stay-at-home mom, which is, of course, the preferred lifestyle (of many) for women in Idaho. In addition, the Idaho Legislature has routinely denied stricter regulations for daycares and funding for pre-K programs because they believe children should be at home with their mothers.
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